A farmer named Paddy had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Eversweet Company. In court, the Eversweet Company’s hot-shot solicitor was questioning Paddy.
‘Didn’t you say to the police at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine?’ asked the solicitor.
Paddy responded: ‘Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I’d just loaded my fav’rit cow, Bessie, into da… ‘
‘I didn’t ask for any details’, the solicitor interrupted. ‘Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine!’?’
Paddy said, ‘Well, I’d just got Bessie into da trailer and I was drivin’ down da road…. ‘
The solicitor interrupted again and said,’Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question. ‘
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Paddy’s answer and said to the solicitor: ‘I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie’.
Paddy thanked the Judge and proceeded.’Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my fav’rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin’ her down de road when this huge Eversweet truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and h*t me trailer right in da side. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder. By Jaysus I was h*rt, very bad like, and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moanin’ and groanin’. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her gr*ans.
Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin’ and gr*anin’ too, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his g*n and sh*t her between the eyes.
Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, ‘How are you feelin’?’
‘Now wot da f*ck would you say?’
A man was walking past a bar when a nun stopped him outside.
She looked disappointed and said,
“My son, alcohol is a terrible temptation. Drunkenness separates a man from the Lord.”
The man shrugged.
“Lady, I’m just going in for one beer.”
“One beer becomes two,” the nun replied. “Two becomes a habit.”
The man smiled.
“Well, how do you know drinking is so bad if you’ve never tried it?”
The nun frowned.
“I have never touched alcohol in my life.”
“Then let me buy you one,” the man said. “Just a small drink. You might be surprised.”
The nun hesitated.
“Well…” she said quietly, “perhaps one glass would do no harm. But I don’t want people talking.”
