He Should’ve Ordered the Burger Instead!
A tired traveler walked into a small roadside diner late one evening and sat down at the counter.
The place smelled of coffee, fried onions, and homemade chili.
After driving for hours, he was starving.
A waitress walked over with a tired smile and asked,
“What can I get you, honey?”
“I’ll take a bowl of your hot chili,” the man said.
The waitress looked apologetic.
“Sorry, sweetheart. The gentleman next to you got the last bowl.”
The traveler glanced over.
The man beside him had already finished his sandwich and coffee, but there sat a full bowl of chili right in front of him, untouched.
“Well,” the traveler asked politely, “are you going to eat that chili?”
The man shrugged.
“Nope. Help yourself.”
The traveler slid the bowl over and started eating.
And honestly…
It was delicious.
Rich, spicy, hot… exactly what he needed.
A few minutes later, about halfway through the bowl, his spoon suddenly hit something solid.
He frowned and slowly lifted the spoon.
Floating in the chili…
was a dead mouse.
The man turned pale instantly.
Without hesitation, he lurched forward and vomited the entire bowl of chili right back into it.
The guy next to him calmly watched for a second, nodded sympathetically, and said:
“Yeah… that’s about as far as I got too.”
Do you realize what time it is?
The husband was not home at his usual hour, and the wife was fuming, as the clock ticked later and later.
Finally, at about 3 A.M., she heard a noise at the front door, and as she stood at the top of the stairs, there was her husband, drunk as a skunk, trying to navigate the stairs.
“Do you realize what time it is?” she asked.
“Don’t get excited,” he slurred. “I’m late because I bought something for the house.”
Immediately, her attitude changed, and as she ran down the stairs to meet him halfway, she asked, “What did you buy for the house, dear?”
His answer was, “A round of drinks!”
The husband and wife have a quarrel
My wife and I were having a serious quarrel when I said to her.
“Pack your things and…….!!!”At that point, her phone rang, so I had to stop to allow her to answer the call. It was her dad.
The phone was on speaker so I could hear what he was saying. After the usual pleasantries between father and daughter, he said: “my daughter, I have transferred $6,000,000 into your account, give your husband $4,000,000 out of it, and you can have the remaining balance.” I Am sending a LAND-CRUISER tear rubber jeep to you and your husband for family use. After the good-byes, the call ended, and she turned to me immediately. “You said I should pack my things and do what…….. ?” I SAID, PACK YOUR THINGS AND GIVE THEM TO ME TO WASH. I will iron them when the light comes.
A priest and a nun are going golfing…
The priest goes to the first hole, swings his golf club, hits the ball… and it just barely misses the hole.“God d*mmit, I missed!” the priest says in anger, throwing his club on the ground. “If you keep saying that, the Lord is gonna strike you down” the nun warns, shaking her finger.
The priest exhales, picks up his golf club, and hits the golf ball again. And again, it just barely misses the hole, rolling off into the grass. The priest stomps his foot in anger and shouts “God d*mmit I missed!” The nun shakes her head. “If you keep saying that the Lord is gonna strike you down!” she warns again.
The priest moves over to the golf ball one more time, swings his club, and the ball goes so tantalizingly close to the hole… before stopping just outside. “God d*mmit, I missed!” the priest yelled one last time.
A bolt of lightning flashed in the sky and soared down, striking the nun and k*lling her instantly. The priest looks up in shock, fear, and awe as a deep voice booms from the heavens.
“GOD D*MMIT, I MISSED!”
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