A $5 Ticket and a Brutal Reply
A little girl was riding her brand-new bicycle through town the day after Christmas when a police officer on horseback stopped her.
The officer looked over the bike and said,
“Did Santa bring you that bicycle?”
“Yes, sir,” the little girl replied proudly.
“Well,” said the cop, “next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on it.”
Then he handed her a $5 ticket.
The little girl looked up at the officer’s horse and smiled.
“That’s a nice horse. Did Santa bring you that too?”
The officer laughed.
“He sure did.”
The little girl nodded and said,
“Well, Next year tell Santa that the d*ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!”
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There once was a blind old man who decided to visit Texas.
When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said,
“Wow, these seats are big!”
“Everything is big in Texas.”, the person next to him answered.
When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar.
Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands.
He exclaimed, “Wow these mugs are big!”
“Everything is big in Texas.”, the bartender replied.
After a couple of beers, the blind old man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located.
The bartender replied,
“Second door to the right.”
The old man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over a bucket and skipped the second door.
Instead, he entered the third door, which leads to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.
Scared to d*ath, the blind old man started shouting…
“Don’t flush, don’t flush!”
The Nuns Got VERY Nervous at Heaven’s Gate!
A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all d*e.
They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. Please form a single-file line.” And they do so.
St. Peter turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her “Sister, have you ever touched a p*nis?”
The Sister Responds “Well… there was this one time… that I kinda sorta… touched one with the tip of my pinky finger…”
St. Peter says “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.
St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says “Sister, have you ever touched a p*nis?” “Well…. There was this one time… that I held one for a moment…”
“Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.
Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!”
Sister Susan responds “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her *ss in it!”
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