The Farmer’s Bees Weren’t the Problem
A farmer had advertised his farm and was showing it to a prospective buyer.
As they walked along a fence line the buyer saw bee hives and stopped.
He said, “Those hives are pretty close to the road.”
The farmer explained that the bees just made honey and have never stung anyone.
The buyer felt unsure about the sale until he proposed that he be tied to a nearby tree, naked, overnight.
If he was stung once he would get the farm for free, but if he wasn’t stung then he would pay the farmer double the price.
The farmer agreed and tied the now naked man to the tree.
The next morning the farmer saw the man leaning over and very pale.
“Oh no,” the farmer thought,
“he got stung and now I have to give him the farm!”
As he reached the man he gently shook him and asked where he got stung and if he needed a doctor.
“No, no, I’m okay I guess,” gasped the naked man.
“I have no choice, do I?
I have to pay you to double for the farm… but doesn’t that calf have a mother?
Little Johnny Bring His Teacher A Pretzel.
Little Johnny, instead of an apple, would daily bring his new teacher a pretzel from his uncle’s bakery.
She always thanked Little Johnny but one day she said,
“These pretzels are very good but do you think your uncle could make them with no salt?”
Every day afterwards the pretzel was salt-free.
After a while, the teacher felt she was making too much extra work for Little Johnny’s uncle to make them without salt, especially for her.
“Little Johnny, I hope your uncle is not going to have a great time preparing the pretzel without salt?”
“Oh no,” replied Little Johnny,
” he doesn’t make them without salt. I lick the salt off.”
There Were Two Canaries In A Cage
“Since we’re in this together, why don’t I move over to your side of the cage!”
The female canary replied, “No, thanks!!”
So he went back to his side but found he could stay there no longer.
Once again, he moved to her side of the cage. This time he asked,
“I am sorry I was too forward the first time. Why don’t we get to know each other first?”
To which she replied again, “No, thanks!”
Resigning himself to return to his side of the cage, he languished about for a bit then made one final effort.
He went halfway across the cage and stated,
“Well, could we at least talk?”
This time she replied,
“Oh, I am so sorry I have been so meant. You see I just learned I have a canary disease called, “Chirpies” and I hear it is untweetable.”
A Man Was Walking Along A California Beach
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp.
He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said, “Well. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I’m getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!”
The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, “I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii but I’m scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?”
The genie laughed and said, “That’s impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete… how much steel!! No, think of another wish.”
The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish.
Finally, he said, “I’ve been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don’t care and that I’m insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women….know how they feel inside and what they’re thinking when they give me the silent treatment… know why they’re crying, know what they really want when they say ‘nothing’… know how to make them truly happy….”
THE GENIE PAUSED FOR A WHILE AND SAID,
“HOW MANY LANES DO YOU WANT ON THAT BRIDGE?”
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