Two guys are driving along in a car

Two guys are driving along in a car when they see two dogs m*ting in someone’s yard.

The driver says,

“That is great. My wife and I do that every night.”

The passenger replies,

“My wife is conservative, she likes it the old-fashioned way. But if you tell me how you get your wife to do this, I would like to try it.”

The driver says,

“Give your wife two drinks and she will be all set.”

The next morning they’re cruising along and the driver asks,

“How was it?”

The passenger answers,

“It was great, but it took my wife ten drinks.”

The driver looks at him funny and says,

“Ten drinks?”

The passenger says,

“Yes. After two she was more than willing to m*ke l*ve that way, but it took her eight more to get her out on the front lawn!”

Little Johnny comes home from sunday school with a black eye.

His father sees it and says, “Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?” “But Dad, it wasn’t my fault.

We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the cr*ck of her b*tt.

I reached over and pulled it out.

That’s when she h*t me!”

“Johnny,” the father said.

“You don’t do those kind of things to women.”

Sure enough, the very next sunday Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue.

Johnny’s father said, “Johnny, I thought we had a talk!”

“But Dad,” Johnny said, “It wasn’t my fault.

There we were in church saying our prayers.

We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the cr*ck of her b*tt.

Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out.

Now I know she doesn’t like this, so I pushed it back in!”

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