The Nun Who Wouldn’t Panic
A bus full of nuns was driving down a mountain road when the brakes suddenly failed. The bus hurtled down the hill at a terrifying speed. The driver shouted in despair:
“Everyone, the brakes are gone! We are going to crash over the cliff, please pray!”
All the nuns on the bus panicked, crying and praying out loud. Just then, an old nun sitting in the front row jumped up, rushed to the driver’s side, grabbed the emergency brake, and turned the steering wheel, safely crashing the bus into a thick bush.
Everyone survived by a miracle. Another nun, having caught her breath, ran over to hug the old nun:
“Oh Sister, you were so brave and wise! God gave you strength!”
The old nun wiped the sweat from her forehead, panting:
“God my foot! Before I entered the convent, I was a container truck driver for 15 years! You all kept telling me to sit still and pray, I almost forgot my old job!”
A lady went to a newspaper company to publish a notice that said:
“I am looking for a man who won’t beat me, won’t leave me, and will s*t*sfy me in bed.”
Two weeks later, there was a knock on her door.
She opened it and saw a man with no arms and no legs.
Confused, she asked, “How can I help you, sir?”
The man smiled and replied, “I’m here in response to your request for a man.”
The lady looked him over and said, “But… you don’t have any arms!”
The man replied, “Exactly! I can’t b*at you.”
The lady continued, “And you don’t have any legs!”
The man answered, “Exactly! I can’t leave you.”
Still curious, she asked, “Okay then, how are you going to s*t*sfy me in bed?”
The man grinned and said,
“What do you think I was knocking with?”
A prisoner was about to be released after 20 years.
The warden said, “You were the perfect inmate. Never complained. Never caused trouble.”
“What’s your secret?” The prisoner leaned in and whispered, “I’ve been working on an escape tunnel every night.”
The warden froze. “A tunnel?! Where is it?! Why didn’t you escape?!”
The prisoner smiled.
“I finished it 10 years ago.”
“But then I realized…”
“Out there I’d have to pay rent… buy food… get a job…”…”In here?” “Free food.” “Free gym.” “No taxes.” “I didn’t build the tunnel to escape… “I built it to sneak into the kitchen at 2AM…” “for chocolate cake.”
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