A priest and a nun are going golfing…
The priest goes to the first hole, swings his golf club, hits the ball… and it just barely misses the hole.“God d*mmit, I missed!” the priest says in anger, throwing his club on the ground. “If you keep saying that, the Lord is gonna strike you down” the nun warns, shaking her finger.
The priest exhales, picks up his golf club, and hits the golf ball again. And again, it just barely misses the hole, rolling off into the grass. The priest stomps his foot in anger and shouts “God d*mmit I missed!” The nun shakes her head. “If you keep saying that the Lord is gonna strike you down!” she warns again.
The priest moves over to the golf ball one more time, swings his club, and the ball goes so tantalizingly close to the hole… before stopping just outside. “God d*mmit, I missed!” the priest yelled one last time.
A bolt of lightning flashed in the sky and soared down, striking the nun and k*lling her instantly. The priest looks up in shock, fear, and awe as a deep voice booms from the heavens.
“GOD D*MMIT, I MISSED!”
An elderly woman arrived at the airport carrying a small black poodle in a pet carrier.
At the ticket counter she said softly, “Young man, I’m flying to Israel today, and this dog means the world to me. Please make sure nothing happens to him. If he arrives safely, there’ll be a $10,000 reward.”
The ticket agent’s eyes nearly popped out of his head.
“Don’t worry, ma’am,” he said. “We’ll take excellent care of him.”
The moment she walked away, the ticket agent rushed to the baggage handlers.
“There’s ten grand riding on one dog,” he whispered. “Take care of it and we all get a piece.”
Naturally, everyone suddenly became VERY interested in the little black poodle.
The carrier was loaded carefully onto the plane. One baggage handler even phoned his cousin at the airport in Israel.
“Listen carefully,” he said. “There’s an old lady flying in with a black poodle. Keep that dog happy, healthy, and breathing. We’re all getting paid.”
By the time the plane landed in Israel, half the airport ground crew knew about the miracle dog worth thousands of dollars.
The Israeli baggage handlers spotted the carrier immediately.
“That’s the dog!” one said excitedly.
The other nodded.
“For that kind of money, we should check on him before giving him back.”
So they opened the carrier.
And fr*ze.
The dog was d*ad.
The two men stared at each other in horror.
“Oh no…”
“He d*ed on OUR shift!”
“We’re finished!”
Panic set in instantly.
Finally one of them snapped his fingers.
