Grandma Makes the Rules
I honestly thought old-school grandparents had become extinct… until I went grocery shopping the other day.
While I was walking down an aisle, I overheard a grandmother having a very serious conversation with her young grandson.
The little boy was sprinting around the store like he was training for the Olympics.
Grandma finally called out, “Boy, cut out all that running! I’m only gonna tell you ONE time!”
“If I have to tell you again… you ain’t gonna like what happens next!”
The boy stopped for a second, crossed his arms, and fired back, “I’m gonna tell my dad on you!”
Grandma didn’t miss a beat.
“Go right ahead!” she said. “That’s MY son!”
“He may be all grown up now…”
“…but I’ll still wear him out too!”
The little boy suddenly decided walking quietly beside Grandma was an excellent idea.
Some legends never retire… they just become grandparents.
My friend, Charlie
Charlie was visiting an old friend and his wife for dinner. When the time came to leave, his car wouldn’t start, and it was too late to call the local service station.
The husband urged Charlie to stay over.
There was no spare bed in the house–there wasn’t even a sofa. So Charlie would have to sleep with the husband and wife.
No sooner had the husband fallen asleep when the wife tapped Charlie on the shoulder and motioned for him to come over to her. “I couldn’t do that,” he whispered. “Your husband is my best friend!”
“Listen, sugar,” she whispered back, “there ain’t nothing in the whole wide world could wake hime up now.”
“I can’t believe that,” Charlie said. “Certainly if I get on top of you and scr.ew you, he’ll wake up won’t he?
“He certainly won’t. If you don’t believe me, pluck a hair out of his @ss and see if that wakes him.” Charlie did just that. Reached over and yanked. He was amazed when the husband remained asleep. So he climbed over to the wife’s side of the bed and f*cked her.
When he finished, he climbed back to his own side. It wasn’t long before she tapped him on the shoulder and beckoned him over again. Again he yanked a hair to determine if his old friend was asleep. This went on eight times during the night. Each time Charlie scr*wed the woman, he first pulled out one of the husband’s @ss hairs.
The ninth time he pulled a hair, the husband awoke and muttered: “Listen, Charlie, old pal, I don’t mind you f*cking my wife, but please stop using my ass for a scoreboard!”
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