She Had a Secret Past
An incredibly wealthy billionaire fell madly in love with a stunning woman and proposed on their very first date. The woman hesitated, protesting, “But darling, we don’t know a single thing about each other!”
The billionaire smiled smoothly and insisted, “Don’t worry about that, sweetheart. We will learn everything about each other as we go along.” She happily consented, they wed, and they immediately jet-setted off to a luxury five-star resort for their honeymoon.
One gorgeous morning, while they were relaxing by the Olympic-sized resort pool, the husband suddenly stood up. He marched up to the highest ten-meter diving board, took a breath, and executed a flawless two-and-a-half tuck gainer, followed by three perfect mid-air rotations, slicing into the water with absolutely no splash. After performing a few more breathtaking, gravity-defying dives, he casually walked back and lay down on his lounge chair.
“That was absolutely unbelievable!” his new bride gasped, her jaw dropped.
The man smiled proudly. “Well, I used to be an Olympic diving champion. See? I told you we’d learn more about each other as we went along.”
Inspired, the wife stood up, dove into the deep end, and began swimming laps at an astonishing, superhuman speed. After sprinting through thirty consecutive laps without a single pause, she effortlessly climbed out of the water and lay back down on her towel, barely even out of breath.
The billionaire was completely mesmerized. “Wow! That was spectacular! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer or a world-record triathlete?”
The wife wrung out her hair, looked at him calmly, and replied:
“No, actually. I used to be a high-end hooker in Venice, and I had to work both sides of the canal.”
The Vet Had an Unusual Solution for the Aging Bulls
An old cattle farmer is being helped by the local vet with his herd of cows and bulls.
It is breeding season and some of his older bulls are having a bit of a hard time performing.
These are top-of-the-line studs, but age is finally catching up with the bulls.
The farmer laments to the vet
“Well, I guess it looks like these old boys are going to be sent off to the meatpackers this year”
He is none too happy, but cattle life is rough and you have to keep the herd growing.
The vet looks over the older bulls
“Mmm, I don’t know if they are that far gone yet, do you mind if I try something out?”
The farmer agrees and the vet gets to work.
He begins working his hands into the waiting cow’s n*ther r*gi0ns, getting his hands all sloppy when he is good and dripping, he approaches the bulls and starts to smear the goop on their noses.
He does this a couple of times and wouldn’t you know it, the bulls begin to become @r0used and within moments they are chasing after the cows.
The farmer is delighted and he pays the vet a little extra for the new trick.
Come that evening he is laying in bed with his wife, it has been a pretty long time since they have h@d s*x, the spirit is willing but his flesh has grown weak.
As he lays there in the dark, he begins to think about his day and soon he is struck with the similarity between himself and the old bulls.
So he reaches over and begins to r*b his wife’s v@g!na, brings his hand to his face, inhales deeply and repeats the process a few times.
Wouldn’t you know it, the old man’s body begins to respond and he is elated, he hasn’t been this h@rd since his early 30s. It is amazing!
Thinking that finally, he can h@ve s*x again he turns on the light and begins to shake his wife awake,
“honey… HONEY… you’ve got to see this…. “
She rolls over
“Ah for f*ck sake, you woke me up to show me you have a Wet nose?”
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