The Cops Are High.
A police station gets two new horses and two cops are assigned to ride them. They go on a ride and come back pleased.
“This horse is great! I’ll always take this one from now on,” said the first cop. “My horse’s great too. So I’ll always take it, too,” replied the second cop.
“But, how would I know which is mine?” asked the first cop.
They thought for a minute and one of them came up with an idea. “Let’s cut off this one’s tail.” The other cop agreed and one of the horses lost its tail.
The next morning the police chief found out and got really mad. “You idiots cut off the horse’s tail!”
“But otherwise we couldn’t recognize them,” said the second cop.
“Can’t you see the black horse is a bit taller than the brown?!”
An old owl was perched on a tree on top of a hill one very cold night.
He looked down in the valley and saw a light in a window so he decided to fly down to the window ledge in hopes there was some warmth escaping.
Well sure enough it was warm, so he fell fast asleep.
He didn’t know that there were two vetenary students inside studying for final exams.
The two vetenary students spotted the owl and decided to use him as practice.
They eased the window open and gassed him.
The first student looked down the owls throat and said he has tonsillitis, so he operated.
The other looked at his butt and announced that the owl had hemorrhoids, so he operated.
They placed the owl back out on the ledge.
The owl woke up very groggy and flew away.
The next winter that same owl was perched on the same tree on a very cold night.
A young owl landed next to him and said brrrr it sure is cold out tonight.
The old owl agreed.
The young owl noticed there was a light down in the valley and suggested they both fly down there to the window ledge and maybe find some escaping heat.
The old owl replied
“no way”, last year I did the same thing, passed out, woke up drunk and for the next six weeks I couldn’t sh!t worth a hoot or hoot worth a sh!t.
The Old Lady’s Advice Worked… Sort Of
There was a beautiful young woman who had recently become the organ player at a small church.
She was talented, graceful… and blessed with a very generous figure.
Unfortunately, every Sunday while she played the organ, her @mple b0s0m b0unced with the music, making many of the men in the congregation stare. More than a few of them ended up getting elbowed by their wives before the service was over.
One elderly woman felt sorry for the young musician and quietly took her aside after church.
“My dear,” she whispered, “I know a simple remedy. Buy two lemons. Every night before bed, rub half a lemon on each bre@st. They’ll gradually shrink, and you won’t distract the men anymore.”
The young woman was delighted.
“Really? Thank you so much!”
She hurried home and faithfully followed the advice every single night.
The following Sunday, the congregation gathered as usual.
After the service, the pastor stepped up to the pulpit. As everyone waited for the sermon to begin, he cleared his throat…
Then everyone noticed something odd.
He kept licking his lips, his mouth looked unusually puckered, and his words came out with a strange lisp.
He finally announced,
**”Due to thircumstanthes beyond my control… we won’t be having a thermon thith week.”**
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