He Had One Big Problem
The Doctor told him that masturb@ting before s*x often helps men last longer du-ring s*x.
My uncle decided, ”Ehen, okay, I will try it!”
He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He could not do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered the company’s hallway, but figured that was too unsafe.
Finally, he realised the solution. On his way home, he pulled his car over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the car. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his b0-xer and started to masturb@te.
He closed his eyes and thought of his wife. As he grew closer to org@sm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his b0-xer. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the org@sm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, “What?!”
He heard, “This is the police. What is going on down there?”
He replied, “I’m checking out the rear tyre, it’s busted.”
The police replied, “Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you are down there because your car rolled down the hill five minutes ago.”
Two 90-year-old Barrel Racing cowgirls, Rose and Barb, had been friends all of their lives.
When it was cl*ar that Rose was d*ing, Barb visited her every day.
One day Barb said, ‘Rose, we both loved barrel racing all our lives, and we rode until we could hardly walk. Please do me one favor: When you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there’s barrel racing there.
Rose looked up at Barb from her deathbed, ‘Barb, you’ve been my best friend for many years. If it’s at all possible, I’ll do this favor for you.’ Shortly after that, Rose p*ss*d on.
At midnight a couple of nights later, Barb was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to her, ‘Barb, Barb.’
‘Who is it?’ asked Barb, sitting up suddenly.
‘Who is it?’
‘Barb — it’s me, Rose.’
‘You’re not Rose. Rose just d*ed.’
‘I’m telling you, it’s me, Rose,’ insisted the voice.
‘Rose! Where are you?’
‘In Heaven,’ replied Rose.
‘I have some really good news and a little bad news.’
‘Tell me the good news first,’ said Barb.
‘The good news,’ Rose said, ‘is that there’s barrel racing in Heaven. Better yet, all of our horses who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we’re all young again. Better still, it’s always summer, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can ride all we want, and our horses never get tired.’
‘That’s fantastic,’ said Barb.. ‘It’s beyond my wildest dreams! So what’s the bad news?
You’re up this Friday night!!!!
Three bulls heard the farmer was bringing another bull onto the farm.
First Bull: “I’ve been here five years. I’m not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows.”
Second Bull: “I’ve been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I’m keeping all of my cows.”
Third Bull: “I’ve only been here a year, and so far, …you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows, but I’m keeping all 10 of my cows.”
Just then an 18-wheeler pulls up in the pasture carrying the biggest Brahman bull they’ve ever seen. At 3,600 lbs, each step he takes strains the steel ramp.
First Bull: “I think I can spare a few cows for our new friend.”
Second Bull: “I actually have too many cows to take care of. I can spare a few. I’m certainly not looking for an argument.”
They look over at the third bull and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns and snorting.
First Bull: “Son, don’t be foolish — let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it.”
Third Bull: “He can have all my cows. I’m just making sure he knows I’m a bull.
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