Two wives go out for girls’ night.
Both got drunk, started walking home and had to pee. They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with.
One used her p@nties, the other grabbed a wreath off of a grave.
The next morning one husband called the other and said, “no more girls night out! My wife came back with no p@nties.”
The other husband said, “you think that’s bad? Mine came back with a card in her crack that read, ‘from all of us at the fire station, we’ll never forget you’!!
A Greek and an Irishman found themselves in a Starbucks one afternoon,
casually chatting about the proud achievements of their respective cultures over steaming lattes.
The Greek leaned back with a smile and said, “You know, we built the Pantheon, not to mention the Temple of Apollo.”
The Irishman nodded, taking a sip of his coffee. “Impressive, no doubt, but it was us Irish who discovered the significance of the Summer and Winter Solstices.”
Not to be outdone, the Greek added, “And don’t forget, it was the Greeks who laid the foundations for advanced mathematics.”
“Fair enough,” the Irishman replied, “but the Irish were the ones who crafted the first timepieces.”
Sensing his moment to triumph, the Greek smiled knowingly. “Ah, but remember, it was the ancient Greeks who introduced the idea of s*x as a pleasurable activity!”
The Irishman paused, set his cup down, and grinned. “That’s true,” he said, “but it was the Irish who got women involved.”
A trucker walked into a truck stop café and gave his order.
He said, “I’ll have three flat tires, a pair of headlights, and a pair of running boards.”
The new blonde waitress, eager to do her job well but puzzled by the request, went to the kitchen and asked the cook, “There’s a guy out there who just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights, and a pair of running boards. Does he think this is an auto parts shop?”
The cook chuckled and explained, “No, no. Three flat tires are three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two sunny-side-up eggs, and running boards are two slices of crispy bacon.”
Relieved, the waitress nodded and returned to prepare the order. But before serving it, she had an idea. She grabbed a bowl of beans and added it to the tray.
When she placed the food in front of the trucker, he looked at the bowl of beans and asked, “What are the beans for?”
With a bright smile, she replied, “Well, I figured while you’re waiting for your flat tires, headlights, and running boards, you might as well gas up!”
One day, I asked my English teacher,
“Why do we ignore some letters in pronunciation eg. the letter H …in Hour, Honour. …etc. ???”
My English teacher said, “We are not ignoring them; they’re considered silent “……. (I was even more confused???)
During the lunch break, my teacher gave me her packed lunch and asked me to heat it in the cafeteria.
I ate all the food and returned her the empty container…!!!
My English teacher: “What happened? I told you to go and HEAT my food, you are returning me an empty container.”
I replied, “Sir, I thought ‘H’ was silent.”
The post Two wives go out for girls’ night. appeared first on 1millionstories.
