A Cab Driver’s Strange Request
A cab driver picked up a nun. She got into the cab, and noticed that the VERY handsome cab driver wouldn’t stop staring at her.
She asked him why he was staring. He replied: “I have a question to ask, but I don’t want to offend you.”
She answered,
“My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”
“Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”
“Well, let’s see what we can do about that: No. 1, you have to be single, and No. 2, you must be Catholic,” she responded.
The cab driver, very excited, said, “Yes, I’m single and Catholic!”
“OK,” the nun said. “Pull into the next alley.”
The nun fulfilled his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they got back on the road, the cab driver started crying.
“My dear child,” said the nun, “Why are you crying?”
“Forgive me but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess; I’m married and I’m Jewish.”
The nun said, “That’s OK. My name is Kevin and I’m going to a costume party.”
I wanted to get to know the new priest at my church.
My priest and I agreed to go fishing. We sat there talking and waiting for a bite until, finally, the priest snagged a large fish. As I helped him pull it out of the water I said,”This is a big son of a b*tch.”
The priest stopped, “Son, why such salty language?”
Wanting to save face I quickly replied, “No, Father, that’s the name of that fish. It’s a Sonofab*tch fish.”
The priest was relieved and we began walking back to the rectory and a nun met us at the door.
The priest greeted her and said, “Check out the Sonofab*tch I just caught.”
The nun, shocked, exclaimed, “Father, never in my life-“
The priest interrupted her and said, “No, Sister, that’s the name. It’s a Sonofab*tch fish.
The nun was relieved and took the fish to be gutted. After gutting the fish, she brought it out back where the Deacon was heating up the grill. The nun said, “Deacon, here, I gutted this Sonofab*tch for you.”
The Deacon, shaking his head, said, “Sister, that language is unbecoming.”
The nun replied, “No Deacon, that’s the name. It’s a Sonofab*tch fish.”
The Deacon shrugged it off and said, “Alright, I’ll put it on the grill. The Bishop is coming over for dinner and he loves seafood.”
When the Bishop arrived we all sat down at the table. The priest brings out the cooked fish and says, “I caught this Sonofab*tch myself.”
“And I gutted this Sonofab*tch.”
“And I grilled this Sonofab*tch.”
The Bishop looked around. He took his hat off, leaned in and said,
“Now you m0therf*ckers are my kind of people.”
Update: Thanks for the gold, fam.
– “You have all lived holy lives, but to enter Heaven, each of you must correctly answer a classic test question.”
– “Who was the first man on Earth?”
– “Here is your question: What were the very first words that Eve said to Adam when she first saw him?”
– “Oh, that’s a hard one…”
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