The De@thbed Confession

An old man lies in a hospital bed; his days are numbered.

His wife, to whom he has been married for over 60 years, sits faithfully by his side, holding his hand tenderly.

The old man opens his eyes with great effort, looks at his wife, and whispers in a weak voice:
“My dear, I need to confess something to you… I want to leave with a peaceful mind. The truth is, 40 years ago, I che@ted on you with my office secretary. I feel so terrible about it…”

The old woman gently pats his hand, smiles with immense serenity, and replies:
“Oh, don’t worry about that, my love. Everything was forgiven a long time ago.”

Relieved, the old man closes his eyes for a moment, then continues:
“You’re an angel… But that’s not all. I also have to confess that I was the one who emptied our joint savings account to buy that sports car back then—and I lied to you, telling you it had been stolen…”

The old woman continues to smile with the same gentleness, strokes his forehead, and says:
“Rest easy, my dear. None of that matters anymore. I know everything, and I have forgiven you.”

On the verge of tears, the old man marvels:
“How can you be so kind and so calm about all my wrongdoings, especially now that I’m about to di-e?”

The old woman replies in a soft voice:
“It’s only natural, my dear… Why do you think I put that p0i-s0n in your tea?”

There was once a sheep farmer who needed help with the difficult task of castrating some of his inferior male sheep to keep them from breeding with the females.

He hired a French guy who didn’t speak English, but was a very good worker.

After the first day, they had successfully castrated 14 sheep and his French worker was just about to throw away the ‘parts’, but the sheep farmer yelled, “No! Don’t throw those away! My wife fries them up and we eat them. They’re delicious and we call them ‘sheep fries’.”

Later that day, the French hired hand came in for supper and indeed, the ‘sheep fries’ were tasty.

The next day, they castrated 16 sheep, and the following evening they all settled down to another supper of ‘sheep fries’.

The third day, however, when the sheep farmer came home, he asked his wife where the French hired hand was.

She said, “You know, it was the weirdest thing! I told him since there weren’t very many ‘sheep fries’ this evening, we were also going to have French fries. Then he screamed and ran like hell.”

da, and I have to stand up’.”

 

Three women are sitting in a beauty parlor, chatting about their husbands.

The first woman sighs and says,

“Last night, my husband told me he was going to his office. But when I called, they said he wasn’t there!”

The second woman shakes her head and adds,

“Same here! My husband said he was heading to his brother’s house, but when I called, he wasn’t there either.”

The third woman smiles confidently and says,

“I always know exactly where my husband is.”

The other two women look at her in disbelief and exclaim,

“That’s impossible! He must have you completely fooled!”

The third woman chuckles and replies,

“Oh, not at all. I’m a widow.”

Four married men decided to go fishing together one day.

While they were fishing, they talked about the things they had given up to be there.

First, one of the men said, “You don’t know what I had to do to come fishing with you today. On Saturday, I promised my wife I would paint the entire house.”

The other men nodded to show they understood how difficult it was to make plans with their wives.

But the second man’s story was even more impressive.

He exclaimed, “That’s nothing! I promised my wife I’d build her a new deck for the pool.”

Taking her fishing was the only way to fulfill her dream after she had wanted it for years.

The third man, listening carefully, shared his own story.

He said, “You both had it easy! I promised my wife I’d redo the entire kitchen for her.”

It will be a lot of work, but I just had to join you guys on this fishing trip.”

While they continued fishing, they glanced at the fourth man who had been quiet.

Eventually, they gave in and asked him, “You haven’t said anything about what you had to do to come fishing this weekend. What’s going on?”

When he shared his secret, the fourth man grinned mischievously. “Well,” he started, “I just set my alarm for 5:30. When it rang, I turned it off, gave my wife a light push, and asked, “Fishing or something else?”

Guess what she said? “Put on a sweater.”

The other men laughed at how clever he was for finding a way to go fishing.

Sometimes things don’t go as expected when you make a straightforward choice.

 

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