Her Son Had the Most Unexpected Title of All!
Four elderly, very devout ladies are sitting on a bench in a park in Munich and talking about their sons.
“My son,” the first woman says proudly, “is a priest. Everyone calls him ‘Reverend’.”
“That’s nice,” says the second woman, “but my son is a bishop. People address him as ‘Excellency’!”
“Oh, come on,” says the third, “my son is a cardinal. He’s called ‘Your Eminence’!”
The fourth lady remains silent the entire time and only sips her coffee.
The other three become curious and ask at the same time:
“And your son? How do you address him?”
The lady smiles calmly:
“Oh, my son? It’s quite simple. He’s a str*pper in a nightclub, 1.90 meters tall…”
And when he finishes his performance, everyone shouts:
,Oh my God!’”
A man picks up a young female hitchhiker in his car.
She is pretty and young.
Suddenly the young woman faints!
The man immediately rushed her to the hospital.
THAT is stress…
At the hospital, they then explain to him that the young woman is pregnant – and congratulate him on soon becoming a father!
THAT is really stressful…
The man immediately protests:
“I am not the father! I don’t know this woman at all!”
But the young woman insists that HE is the father of the baby.
Now the stress level rises dramatically once again…
The man is demanding a DNA test to prove that he cannot possibly be the father.
The results come a few days later.
The doctor explains to him:
“You have been infertile since birth. You cannot possibly be the father of this child.”
The man is incredibly relieved.
But on the way home, the stress suddenly returns…
Because he suddenly thinks about his three children at home…
AND THAT IS REALLY A LOT OF STRESS!!!
A third-grade teacher asked her class,
“Can anyone give me an example of a long compound sentence?”
Mary proudly raised her hand.
“My mom gets up early every morning. She brushes her hair, does her makeup, puts on her prettiest dress, her nicest earrings, and her highest heels. Then she leaves the house to go to work.”
The teacher smiled.
“Excellent, Mary! That’s certainly a long sentence.”
She turned to the class.
“Now, can anyone give me an example of a simple sentence?”
Little Johnny immediately shot his hand into the air.
The teacher hesitated.
“Go ahead, Johnny.”
Johnny stood up confidently and said,
“Mary’s mom is a… very busy woman.”
The teacher smiled.
“Good recovery, Johnny.”
Johnny nodded.
“I was trying to keep it simple!”
He Had Three Conditions… The Last One Was the Problem!
A rare species of gorilla is being br-ed in a zoo.
The last female is unfortunately very picky and rejects every male of her species. The zoo director is at his wit’s end.
One afternoon, he notices a visitor at the enclosure. The female gorilla instantly becomes wild at the sight of the young man. With a greedy gaze, she shakes the bars frantically.
The zoo director saw his opportunity and immediately approached the man: “You are literally our last hope for mating! Would you go into the cage with our female for 1000 euros? You can see how enthusiastic she is about you!”
The young man thought for a moment and nodded: “Yes, okay, I’ll do it! But I have three conditions!”
“Go ahead and name them!” pleads the director.
“First: Absolute discretion. No spectators, no press, no photos, nobody must ever find out!”
“Of course! What else?”
“Secondly: No French kissing!”
“Of course. And your final condition?”
“Can I pay the 1000 euros in monthly installments?”
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