One Tiny Complaint
An elderly couple was enjoying a peaceful stroll along the beach after more than 40 years of marriage.
Without warning, a gigantic wave crashed onto the shore, swept the husband off his feet, and carried him far out into the ocean.
His wife fell to her knees in panic, raised her hands to the sky, and cried, “Oh, Lord, please bring him back! He’s my whole world! We’ve been together for 40 wonderful years! If You return him safely, I promise I’ll go to church every Sunday, donate half my income to charity, and never nag him again!”
A few moments later, another enormous wave rolled toward the beach.
As it reached the shore, it gently set her husband down on the sand—safe, dry, and completely unharmed.
The old man blinked, took a deep breath, and smiled.
Overjoyed, his wife ran to him, hugged him tightly, checked him from head to toe, then slowly looked back at the ocean.
She placed her hands on her hips, looked up at the sky, and frowned.
“He had a hat!”
The Funniest Police One-Liners Ever Caught on Camera
These are actual comments made by Georgia State Troopers that were taken off their car videos:
1. “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.”
2. “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.”
3. “If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.”
4. “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”
5. “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that’s the speed of the bullet that will be chasing you.”
6. “You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?”
7. “Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?”
8. “Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”
9. “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”
10. “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.”
11. “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”
12. “In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC.”
( National Crime Information Center )
13. “Just how big were those ‘two beers’ you say you had?”
14. “No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can.”
15. “I’m glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.”
AND THE WINNER IS….
16. “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t. Sign here.”
Grandma’s Customs Answer Was Technically the Truth!
An elderly grandmother was flying home from a vacation in France.
Just before the plane landed, the nervous man sitting beside her leaned over and whispered,
“Ma’am… could you do me a huge favor?”
She smiled.
“That depends.”
He pulled out a very expensive bottle of French perfume.
“I bought this for my wife, but it’s over the duty-free limit.”
“Would you mind slipping it into your handbag?”
Grandma looked at him kindly.
“I don’t mind helping…”
“…but I should warn you…”
“I never lie.”
The man shrugged.
“That’s fine.”
A few minutes later, they reached customs.
The officer smiled politely.
“Welcome home, ma’am.”
“Do you have anything to declare?”
Grandma answered without hesitation,
“From my glasses to my handbag… nothing at all.”
The officer frowned.
“Nothing?”
“And what’s inside your handbag?”
Grandma smiled sweetly.
“Just one beautiful bottle that’s supposed to make a married woman very happy…”
She paused.
“…and nobody has sprayed it yet.”
The customs officer blinked…
Then burst into laughter.
He handed her back the bag and waved her through.
“Welcome home, ma’am…”
“Enjoy your visit!”
As she walked away, Grandma whispered,
“See? I told you…”
“…I never lied.”
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