After the pilot had finished his normal in-flight announcement, he unfortunately forgot to turn off his microphone.
Over the loudspeakers throughout the plane, you can hear him saying:
“So… first I’m going to take a nice shit, and then I’m going to grab a stewardess and m@ke out with her a little.”
Dead silence in the cabin.
A flight attendant turns bright red and runs frantically towards the cockpit to tell him that the microphone is still on.
In her panic, she trips in the aisle and lands on her knees – right next to an elderly gentleman in the aisle seat.
She looks up at him, ashamed.
The old man smiles calmly and says:
“No hurry, young lady…
the pilot wanted to go and take a dump first.”
During a commercial airline flight
During a commercial airline flight, a Navy Chief was seated next to a young mother with a baby in her arms.
When her baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing her infant as discreetly as possible.
The Chief pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related articles.
When the young mother expressed her gratitude, he responded, “Gosh, that’s a good-looking baby…and he sure was hungry!”
Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said b.r.e.astfeeding would help alleviate the pressure in the baby’s ears.
The Chief sadly shook his head, and in true Sailor fashion, exclaimed, “And all these years I’ve been chewing gum.”
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Two old ladies Dolly and Ruby were talking about their grandchildren.
Dolly said, “Each year I send each of my grandchildren a card with a generous cheque
inside. I never hear from them…never receive a thank you message.“
Ruby replies, “I too send my grandchildren a very generous cheque I hear from them within a week after they receive it.
In fact, they each pay me a personal visit.”
“Wow! How come ?” remarked Dolly.
“Very simple solution… I don’t sign the cheque.”
