The Golden Golf Match
Moses and Jesus are playing a round of golf in heaven.
They reach a difficult hole with a large water hazard right before the green. Moses steps up to the tee, swings, and hits the ball. It flies straight toward the lake and splashes right into the center of the water.
Moses sighs, walks down to the lake, raises his golf club, and parts the water. He walks onto the dry lake bed, chips the ball onto the green, and makes his putt.
Jesus steps up to the tee next. He swings, but hits a terrible slice. The ball flies directly toward the lake. However, instead of sinking, the ball hovers just an inch above the water’s surface. Jesus walks out onto the water, stands next to the ball, and chips it right into the hole for a birdie.
Just then, an old man steps up to the tee. He grabs a club, swings wildly, and hits the ball with terrible form. The ball flies completely out of bounds toward a nearby highway. It bounces off a truck, hits a tree, lands on the back of a turtle, and rolls right onto the green. Suddenly, a frog jumps out of the grass, swallows the ball, and a hawk swoops down to grab the frog. As the hawk flies over the hole, the frog drops the ball, and it rolls directly into the cup for a hole-in-one.
Moses turns to Jesus, rolls his eyes, and says, “I really hate playing golf with your dad.”
A woman asks her husband at breakfast time,
“Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?”
He declines. “Thanks for asking, but I’m not hungry right now.
It’s this Vi@gr@,” he says. “It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”
At lunchtime, she asked him if he would like something.
“How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins or a cheese sandwich?”
He declines. “The Vi@gr@,” he says, “Its really spoiled my need for food.”
Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat.
“Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?”
He declines again. “No,” he says, “it’s got to be the Vi@gr@. I’m still not hungry.”
“Well,” she says, “Would you mind getting off me? I’m bl00dy starving.”
Read more…
- A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband pacing around with a fly swatter.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“Hunting flies,” he replied.
“Oh, have you killed any?” she asked.
“Yep, 3 males, 2 females,” he answered.
Intrigued, the wife asked, “How can you tell them apart?”
The husband replied, “Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone.”
2. Husband to wife: “Today is a fine day.”
The next day, he says, “Today is a fine day.”
Again, the following day, he repeats, “Today is a fine day.”
Finally, after a week, the wife can’t take it anymore and asks her husband, “You’ve been saying ‘Today is a fine day’ every day since last week! I’m fed up. What’s going on?”
Husband: “Last week, when we had an argument, you said, ‘I will leave you one fine day.’ I was just trying to remind you.”
