During recess, she called Johnny over to her desk. “Johnny, please tell your uncle I am so incredibly grateful. I just hope it’s not too much extra work for him to bake these without salt every day.”
Johnny looked at her, completely confused by her concern.
“Oh, he doesn’t do anything different, Miss. I just lick all the salt off on my walk to school.”
The Mother Superior’s Real Complaint 🍷😂
A young nun has been in charge of bookkeeping for the convent’s expenses over the past year. When the deadline arrives, the Mother Superior calls her into the office for a financial audit. Flipping through the ledger, the Mother Superior frowns at an unusual expense and asks in a stern voice:
“Sister Mary, I see a charge here for a whopping 500 dollars under the category: ‘Soothing emotional wounds with concentrated natural spring water’. Care to explain what on earth this is?”
Sister Mary turns pale, clasps her hands together, and stammers:
“Mother Superior… those are actually five bottles of high-end wine I secretly bought so the other sisters and I could have a drink in our room on freezing winter nights… I’m so sorry for using metaphors to sneak it past you.”
The Mother Superior slams her hand on the desk and yells:
“This is a total outrage! I’m not furious because you sneaked some wine. I’m furious about your sheer selfishness! For a whole year, every time I walked in to check on you, you girls pretended to be praying your hearts out, yet not a single one of you thought to pour me a glass of that ‘concentrated spring water’ to soothe my own soul from staring at these dry books! Hand over the remaining two bottles right now!”
To the untrained eye, the two elderly gentlemen sitting together on the park bench looked completely harmless. In reality, they were locked in a fierce, highly competitive covert operation.
Suddenly, a stunning young woman in a sports bra and running shorts jogged past their bench.
Without missing a beat, the first old man flashed her a massive, brilliant grin.
The jogger instantly skidded to a halt, put her hands on her hips, and glared at him. “What are you smiling at, you old creep?”
The old man didn’t flinch. Instead, he softened his expression into a picture of pure, grandfatherly innocence. “Oh, forgive me, my dear,” he replied gently. “I wasn’t smiling at you. I was just smiling because no matter how dark or difficult life gets, seeing vibrant young people enjoying the summer sun always reminds me that the world is a beautiful place.”
The girl’s heart completely melted. Blushing with guilt, she walked over, leaned down, and planted a sweet, tender kiss right on his wrinkled cheek before cheerfully jogging away.
The old man casually patted his jacket pocket, turned to his jaw-dropped friend, and smirked:
“Alright, that makes it 3-0. Your turn.”
