A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway.
But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate.
The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a r*te of three to six a day.
So one day he called the sheriff’s office and said,
“You’ve got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and k*lling all of my chickens.”
“What do you want me to do?” asked the sheriff.
“I don’t care, just do something about those drivers!”
So the next day he had the county workers go out and erect a sign that said: SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING
Three days later the farmer called the sheriff and said,
“You’ve got to do something about these drivers. The ‘school crossing’ sign seems to make them go faster.”
So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign:
SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY And that really sped them up.
So the farmer called and called and called every day for three weeks.
Finally, he asked the sheriff,
“Your signs are doing no good. Is it all right for me to put up my own sign?”
The sheriff told him, “Sure thing, put up your own sign.”
He was going to let the farmer do just about anything in order to have him stop calling.
Well, the sheriff got no more calls from the farmer.
Three weeks after the farmers last call, the sheriff decided to call him.
“How’s the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?”
“Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been k*lled since then. I’ve got to go. I’m very busy.” And he hung up the phone.
The sheriff thought to himself, “I’d better go to that farmer’s house and look at that sign…
There might be something there that WE could use to slow down drivers.”
So the sheriff drove out to the farmer’s house, and he saw the sign.
It was a whole sheet of plywood. And written in large yellow letters were the words:
SLOW: N*D*ST COLONY.
Everything Was Reassuring… Until the Last Sentence
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on gurneys next to each other, outside the operating room.
The first kid leans over and asks, “What are you in here for?”
The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.”
The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It’s a breeze.”
The second kid then asks, “What are you here for?”
The first kid says, “A c*rc*mcision.”
And the second kid says, “Whoa, Good luck, buddy, I had that done when I was born…Couldn’t walk for a year.”
Read more…
An eighteen-year-old girl tells her Mom that she thinks that she is pregnant.
Very worried, the mother goes to the chemist and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, and crying, the mother says. “Who did this to you? I want to know!”
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A distinguished man with gray hair and dressed in a very expensive suit steps out and enters the house. He sits down in the living room with the girl’s father and mother and tells them, “Your daughter has informed me of the situation. However, I can’t marry her because of my wife and family but, I’ll take care of my responsibility and will tell you this, that if a girl child is born, I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach front villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, a factory each and $1,000,000 each.
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you think I should do?”
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man’s shoulder and tells him, “You’ll have to do it again”
Do your sins, come back, and I’ll bless you
There were three nuns, they all told the priest that they were going to do one sin each.
So the priest says ok, do your sins, come back, and I’ll bless you.
So, they went to do their sins and came back to get blessed.
The priest asked the first one who was laughing what her sin was. She said, “I h@d s*x with a guy.”
The priest said ok, blessed her and said go drink some holy water.
So she did! The next one was laughing harder, and the priest asked her what her sin was.
She said, “I got in a fight with another nun.” So he says ok, blessed her and told her to go drink some holy water. So she did.
The priest asked the last one who was laughing even harder what she did.
And as she was laughing she said, “I pissed in the holy water!”
The post A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. appeared first on 1millionstories.
