An old farmer was hauling a load of manure
An old farmer was hauling a load of manure when he was stopped by a state trooper. “You were speeding,” the cop said. “I’m going to have to give you a ticket.”
“Yep,” the farmer said as he watched the trooper shoo away several flies.
“These flies are terrible,” the trooper complained.
“Yep,” the farmer said. “Those are circle flies.”
“What’s a circle fly?”
“Them flies that circle a horse’s ass,” answered the farmer. “Them are circle flies.”
“You wouldn’t be calling me a horse’s ass, would you?” The trooper angrily asked.
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..
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“Nope, I didn’t,” the farmer replied. “But you just can’t fool them flies.
One day, I asked my English teacher,
“Why do we ignore some letters in pronunciation eg. the letter H …in Hour, Honour. …etc. ???”
My English teacher said, “We are not ignoring them; they’re considered silent “……. (I was even more confused???)
During the lunch break, my teacher gave me her packed lunch and asked me to heat it in the cafeteria.
I ate all the food and returned her the empty container…!!!
My English teacher: “What happened? I told you to go and HEAT my food, you are returning me an empty container.”
I replied, “Sir, I thought ‘H’ was silent.”
A father and son went hunting together for the first time.
The father said: “Stay here and be very QUIET. I’ll be across the
field.”
A few hours later the father heard a blood curdling scream and ran back to his son.
“What’s wrong?’ the father asked, ”I told you to be quiet.’
The boy, bless his heart, answered;
“‘Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet, I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck, I didn’t move a muscle when the skunk climbed over my shoulder, I closed my eyes and held my breath when the wasp stung me, I didn’t cough when I swallowed the gnat, I didn’t cuss or scratch when the poison oak started itching but when the two squirrels crawled up my pant legs and said, ‘Should we eat them here or take them with us?’
‘ Well, I guess I just panicked ‘.
Who needs a good laugh?
One day a state trooper while patrolling the roads spied a vehicle on a country road at twenty-two miles an hour. It looked quite suspicious to him so he pulled the driver over. When the state trooper was approaching the car, he noticed that the passengers inside looked wide-eyed and really pale.
As he stood next to the car the elderly driver started talking, “Officer, I don’t understand why you pulled me over, I was going exactly the speed limit! So I don’t understand what seems to be the problem?”
“Sir”, the officer replied, “indeed you weren’t speeding, but driving much slower than the speed limit can also be very dangerous.” “I’m sorry officer but I beg to differ, I was doing exactly the speed limit as stated on the sign: twenty-two miles an hour!” the old man said.
The trooper was a bit surprised but started explaining that the “22” on the sign was the route number and not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the old man grinned a bit and thanked the state trooper for pointing out his mistake.
But before the state trooper was about to let the old man go he said; “But before I let you go, sir, I really have to ask whether everyone in this car is feeling all right?” “Because your passengers seem awfully pale and shaken.”
“Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute,” the old man said.
“We just got off Route 119“
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