Go Home
Teacher: “John, what’s the matter? Why are you looking so upset?”
John: “My dad is in the police station, and my mom is in the hospital!”
Teacher: “Oh, you poor kid! Please go home!”
The principal happened to see John leave. He asked the teacher, “Where’s John heading to?”
Teacher: “I permitted him to go home because his dad is in the police station and his mom is in the hospital.”
Principal: “His dad is a cop, and his mom is a nurse… where else would they be?”
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.
I’ve got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull but that’s not the worst of it.
My headlights are out of focus and it’s especially hard to see things up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was.I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
My spare tyres are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
But here’s the worst of it…
Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter….. either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires.
There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow.
He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference. After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted “240-S”.
The dealer asks, “Why ‘S’?”
The snail replies, “‘S’ stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who’s driving.”
Well, the dealer doesn’t want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.
The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, they’d say “Wow! Look at that S-car go!”
A blonde brought her baby to a doctor.
After examining, the doctor right away determined that the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription for eardrops.
In the directions he wrote, “Put two drops in right ear every four hours” and he abbreviated “right” as an R with a circle around it.
Several days passed, and the blonde returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil.
The doctor looked at the bottle of eardrops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label:
Put two drops in R ear every four hours.
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