Little Johnny farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out.
He goes and sits outside the class and can’t stop laughing.
The principal walks by and sees him.
He asks, “Little Johnny, why are you sitting outside your class laughing?”
“I farted in class and the teacher threw me out,” Johnny said.
The principal asks him again, “Well then, why are you laughing?”
“Because those idiots are sitting in the class smelling my fart while I’m outside in the fresh air.”
LOL!!
Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!!
There was a businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip.
He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he’d try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn’t much like the idea of her screwing someone else.
So he went to a store that sold s*x t*ys and started looking around.
He thought about a life-sized s*x d*ll, but that was too close to another man for him.
He was browsing through the d*ld*s, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter.
He explained his situation, the old man.
“Well, I don’t really know of anything that will do the trick. We have v*ibr*ting d*ld*s, special attachments, and so on, but I don’t know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except …” said the old man, and then he stopped.
“Except what?” asked the businessman.
“Nothing, nothing,” said the old man.
“C’mon, tell me! I need something!” protested the businessman.
“Well, sir, I don’t usually mention this, but there is the ‘v**d** d*ck,’” the old man said.
“So what’s up with this v**d** d*ck?” the businessman asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box carved with strange symbols.
He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking d*ld*.
The businessman laughed, and said, “Big f*ck*ng deal. It looks like every other di*ld* in this shop!”
The old man said, “But you haven’t seen what it’ll do yet.”
He pointed to a door and said “v**d** d*ck, the door.”
The v**d** d*ck rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole.
The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle.
Before the door could split, the old man said, “v**d** d*ck, get back in your box!”
The v**d** d*ck stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, quiescent once more.
The businessman said, “I’ll take it!”
The old man resisted and said it wasn’t for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash.
The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special d*ld* and that to use it, all she had to do was say, “v**d** d*ck, my p*ss*.”
He left for his trip satisfied things would be fine while he was gone.
After he’d been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny.
She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the v**d** d*ck. She got it out, and said “*, my p*ss*!”
The v**d** d*ck shot to her crotch and started p*mp*ng.
It was great, like nothing she’d ever experienced before.
After three *rg*sms, she decided she’d had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting.
She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked.
Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off.
So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help.
She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the d*ld*.
On the way, another o*rg*sm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman.
He asked for her license, and then asked how much she’d had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn’t been drinking, but that a v**d** d*ck was st*ck in her p*ss*, and wouldn’t stop scre*wing.
The officer looked at her for a second, and then said, “Yea, right. v**d** d*ck, my *ss!”
Two priests decided they needed a break
Two priests decided they needed a break, so they booked a vacation to sunny Hawaii. Wanting to fully relax and go incognito, they made a pact: no collars, no black suits, nothing that screams “clergy.”
As soon as they landed, they hit a local shop and stocked up on the wildest tourist gear they could find — think neon shirts, loud floral shorts, flip-flops, oversized sunglasses, and straw hats. They looked like walking postcards.
The next morning, they strolled down to the beach, drinks in hand, soaking up the sun and enjoying the freedom of anonymity.
That’s when a gorgeous blonde in a tiny bikini walked by, gave them a sweet smile, and said,
“Good morning, Father. Good morning, Father.”
She nodded at each of them and kept walking, calm as can be.
The priests stared at each other, stunned. How did she know?!
Determined to be unrecognizable, they doubled down. The next day, they returned to the store and bought even wilder outfits — mismatched patterns, tourist hats with dangling beads, socks with sandals — the works.
Feeling completely undercover, they headed back to the beach, confident no one would suspect a thing.
Right on cue, the same blonde appeared — this time in an even skimpier bikini. She walked right up, smiled again, and said,
“Good morning, Father. Good morning, Father.”
One of the priests jumped up.
“Alright, young lady — we give up. Yes, we’re priests. But how on earth did you know?”
She laughed, leaned in, and said,
“Oh, come on, Father… it’s me — Sister Angela!”
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