My best marriage joke
A married woman boards a train. The staff bring her to her private sleeper room only to find that another passenger is already inside. The train attendant apologizes and tells her to wait while they sort it out.
The woman sits down in the car and starts talking with the man who was mistakenly put in her car. He is very friendly, also married, and it turns out they have a lot in common.
When the attendant comes back an hour later to show the woman to her room, she is having such a great time with the man that they agree to share the room which has two seperate beds anyways.
The man and the woman talk for hours, order dinner, have a few drinks, and finally decide to go to sleep.
Each gets into their separate bed and they turn down the lights.
The man says to the woman “I know this may sound crazy, but what if just for tonight we pretend to be married to each other?” The woman thinks about and says “…ok that doesn’t sound crazy, I could do that.” The man then sits up and says “You know it’s really cold in here, maybe we could share that blanket?”
The woman sits up and yells “GET YOUR OWN F*CKING BLANKET!”
A man is on a business trip in Paris and gets lonely..
He decides to call down to the hotel lobby to see if they can arrange him an escort. Within minutes there is a knock on the door and he opens it to see a stunningly beautiful woman wearing a short tight dress. “Monsieur, what are you interested in tonight?” He thinks for a second and says “honestly, I would love a bl0wj0b.” She smiles and blushes slightly and gently walks across the room to the window. “Monsieur, look down there.. do you see the limousine down there? The big one.. the really big one. That is mine because I give the best bl0wj0bs in all of Paris.” She proceeded to show him her talents and when she was done he was so impressed her paid her double what she asked and off into the night she departed.
The man spent the entire next day thinking about her and gave in eventually and called down to the lobby and within minutes there she was again. “Monsieur, what can I do for you this evening?” Without hesitation he said “I would like to have @nal s*x with you.” She pointed at the window. “Do you see the helicopter in the sky? The big one? That is mine because I am the best ass f*cker in all of Paris.” They did the deed and he agreed she was the best, he paid her double and off she went.
Days went by and the man couldn’t stop thinking of her, he finally called a third time. “Monsieur, I missed you, what can I do for you tonight?” She said as she glided through the doorway. “I want to f*ck your p*ssy so badly.” He said and again, she pointed to the window. “Monsieur, do you see that building? The tall one? That would be mine if I had a p*ssy.”
The Shocking Identity of the Handsome Man in Penny’s Bedside Drawer
After an intense, passionate night of making love, Ben rolled over and reached into his jeans for a cigarette. Realizing he was missing his lighter, he turned to his partner, Penny.
“Check the top drawer of the nightstand,” she whispered warmly, snuggling up against him. “There should be a box of matches in there.”
Ben pulled open the drawer and froze. Sitting right next to the matchbox was a neatly framed photograph of a ruggedly handsome man. Immediately feeling a knot of jealousy in his stomach, Ben turned to her.
“Is this your husband?” he asked nervously.
“No, silly,” Penny replied softly, nibbling on his earlobe.
“Your boyfriend, then?” he pushed, getting more anxious by the second.
“No, not at all,” she giggled, pulling him closer.
Completely bewildered and demanding answers, Ben gestured to the photo. “Well, then who on earth is this guy?!”
Penny smiled calmly, looked deep into his eyes, and replied:
“Oh, that’s just a picture of me before my operation.”
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