One Sunday morning, an old lady headed to church late..
One Sunday morning, an old lady headed to church late.. … because she couldn’t find her hearing aid. As she was late and did not want to be noticed, she sat in the back, next to a teenager.
The pastor began his preaching. To give an example of what he was preaching, he asked, “Everyone who has committed the sin of adultery, stand up.”
The old lady was wondering why everybody went quiet suddenly and asked the teenager what the pastor just said.
He answered that the pastor asked people who wanted mints to stand up.
Our nice old lady stood up, without a care in the world.
The pastor was outraged, he demanded to know why she had stood up.
To that, the old lady responded, “I may be old and toothless, but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy sucking one from time to time.
Bob staggered home after a night of drinking
He tiptoed up the stairs so as not to wake his wife, Kathleen, but tripped and fell on his butt.
The whiskey bottles in both back pockets made the landing especially painful.
He let out a scream, p*lled down his p*nts and looked in the hall mirror to see his *ss cheeks cut and bleeding.
Quietly, she managed to find a box of Band-Aids and stuck one where she saw blood.
The next morning he woke up to find Kathleen looking at him and saying, “You were drunk last night, weren’t you?”
Bob snapped, “Why would you think that?”
“It could have been the broken glass, or the blood in the house, or your bloodshot eyes,” Kathleen replied.
“But mostly,” she continued.
“It was the Band-Aids on the mirror in the hallway.”
A Violent Tornado Leveled an Entire Herd of Cows—But the Bulls’ Hilarious Reason for Staying Upright Is Pure Gold
A massive herd of cows and two large bulls were peacefully grazing on some lush green grass out in an open prairie pasture.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a ferocious, roaring gust of wind came ripping across the flat plains. The wind was so powerful that it swept all the cows right off their hooves, knocking them flat onto the dirt. However, the two bulls barely even blinked; they just swayed gently in the breeze and continued casually chewing their lunch.
When the wind finally quieted down, the thoroughly annoyed cows stood back up, brushed the dirt off their coats, and went right back to eating.
But a short while later, one of the cows looked up toward the horizon just in time to see a massive, dark tornado tearing right through the pasture fence. The twister slammed directly into the herd, violently tossing the poor cows every which way across the field. Yet, miraculously, the two bulls just rocked back and forth, casually weathering the brutal storm without budging an inch from their spots.
After the tornado finally passed, the dizzy, battered cows managed to get back onto their feet. As they picked the stray straw and grass out of their hides, they collectively marched over to the bulls in absolute disbelief.
One exasperated cow stepped forward and demanded, “Hey! How on earth is it that we cows get completely wiped out and knocked over by the wind, but you two just stand there totally unfazed?!”
The two bulls shared a hearty chuckle, looked at the herd, and replied:
“Simple, ladies… We bulls wobble, but we don’t fall down!”
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