Sister Mary was driving the convent’s old car on the highway when she was pulled over by a young state trooper for speeding. The officer walked up to the window with a stern face: “Sister, do you know you were doing 90 mph in a 50 mph zone?”
Sister Mary looked at him with gentle eyes, clasped her hands, and said: “Oh my son, I am terribly sorry. I was on my way to deliver food to the lonely elderly, and I truly felt like the Lord was right beside me, protecting and pushing this car to go faster so I wouldn’t be late.”
The young cop felt a bit guilty and was about to let her go with a warning. But then he noticed a large, locked wooden box on the back seat. Curious, he asked: “What’s inside that box, Sister?”
Sister Mary smiled mysteriously: “That is a holy secret of the convent, my son. It contains something that can make any man fall to his knees in pure awe and fear.”
The officer, overcome with curiosity, insisted she open it. Sister Mary sighed, pulled out a key, and unlocked the box. The cop peered inside… and immediately turned pale. He handed her license back and said: “You can go, Sister! Drive as fast as you want! No ticket today!”
As it turned out, inside the box was a double-barreled sh*tg*n with a note that read: “Church Renovation Fund – Donate voluntarily, or meet the Lord early!”
The little girl called it “Stinky” when she played with it out in the yard,
but she called it “Ballpoint” when it was in the sty.
“Tell me,” asked her father,
“Why do you have two names for your pig?”
“That’s easy,” the daughter replied,
“Ballpoint is just his pen name.”
A Man Went To Buy A Pig
A city slicker went to the country to buy a pig. When he approached the pig farmer, he asked for a 25-pound pig.
The pig farmer put the pig’s tail in his mouth and bobbed his head up and down.
He then told the city slicker that the pig was too heavy – it was 30 pounds.
