The Doctor’s Diagnosis
Doctor just told a nun that she is pregn@nt.
Nun: “Doctor, you can’t be serious – I haven’t h@d s*x with a man even once in my entire life! I am saving myself for God!”
Doc: “Sorry, but the tests show undoubtedly that you are pregn@nt…”
Nun leaves the doctor in anger and bursts back into church shouting: “Ok, who in the name of the God HAD C*M ONTO THE CANDLES!!!”
In Nigeria, the 99-year-old Mother Superior lay quietly.
She was d*ing.
The Nuns had gathered around her bed, laying garlands around her and trying to make her last journey comfortable.
They wanted to give her warm milk to drink but she declined. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen.
Then, remembering a bottle of Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.
Back at Mother Superior’s bed, they lifted her head gently and held the glass to her lips. The very frail Nun drank a little, then a
little more and before they knew it, she had finished the whole
glass down to the last drop.
As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their spiritual leader.
“Mother,” the nuns asked earnestly, “Please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us”. She raised herself up very slowly in the bed on one elbow, looked at them and said:
“DON’T SELL THAT COW.”
A young women decides to become a nun and join a very strict convent.
The nuns have to take a vow of silence, but they are allowed to speak 2 words every 10 years.
Ten years goes by and the woman is brought before Mother Superior and allowed her first two words. She says “Work hard!”
Mother Superior says “Yeah, well we’re doing God’s work here, It’s bound to be a little rough.”
Ten more years goes by and the woman is again brought before Mother Superior and she gets to say two more words. She says “Food bad!”
Mother Superior says: “Well, we just can’t have the best food when we’re giving every penny to the poor.”
Ten more years goes by and the woman is again brought in for her two words. She says: “I quit!!”.
Mother Superior retorts: “Well it’s about time. It’s been nothing but b*tch, b*tch, b*tch ever since you got here.
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On reaching his plane seat,
A man is surprised to see a parrot seated next to him.
He asks the stewardess for a coffee, then the parrot squawks
“And get me a whisky, you cow!”
The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot but forgets the man’s coffee.
When the man points it out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls
“And get me another whisky, you id!to.”
Upset, the stewardess comes back with another whisky – but still no coffee.
By now in desperate need for his coffee, the man tries the parrot’s style,
“I’ve asked you twice for a coffee, go get it now, you m0ron.”
Before they know it, two burly flight stewards storm down the aisle, grab the parrot and the man, yank them out of their seats, and throw them out of the emergency exit.
Plunging downwards the parrot turns to the man and says
“For someone who can’t fly, you sure complain too much!”
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