The Judge’s Final Sentence
The judge asked the woman what she stole. She replied, “I stole a can of peaches.”
“Six,” replied the woman.
After consideration, the judge decided to sentence her one night of prison for every peach she stole. Six nights total.
At this moment the woman felt helpless, bawling her eyes out, she didn’t know what to do.
And before the judge smacked the mallet down to make it final, her husband entered into the courtroom and yelled, “your honor, wait!”
The judge froze and listened to what the husband wanted to say.
“She also stole a can of peas!”
A LADY RECEIVED A FRIEND REQUEST
A few days ago I received friend request on FACEBOOK from a attractive guy about 29 years old….I was curious. I wanted to that why someone that young wanted to be my Facebook friend. S. To i accepted it. Then he started sending private messages. He was very kind. He called beautiful. He asked my age. I’m not a liar so i told him and reminded him I’m quite a bit senior . And i let talk’s a bit because true to be told flattery ain’t all that bad.
We keep talking for a while and within a short time, He asked if we could talk about *d*lt things’. I said OK. Then he replied with a face like. He said thank you babe,you start”. So i did!
I told him *d*lt things like my hips and knees were hurting. My back acts up when it is cold outside. I explained i have a crazy insomnia, I toss and turn the entire night and that i often have leg cramps,especially when i try to sleep. I mentioned the sc*rs from multiple surgeries and the limp i have from old injury. And of course i had to throw in the need for daily fibre supplements to prevent pass gas. Can’t forget that one!
I was waiting for him to answer me….
He blocked me. He wanted to talk about things and then don’t take the heat!
I think I’m just a bit too much woman for him to handle
Fish goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, “Hello, sir. What brings you in today?”
The fish replies, “Everything. I hurt my back at work, I have a cold, my eyesight is going, and I have high blood pressure.”
The doctor raises his eyebrows, jots down some notes on his clipboard, and says,
“Okay, Mr. Salmon, what’s your lifestyle like? Do you eat healthily, get enough sleep, all that?”
“Oh, yes,” replies the fish.
“I eat organic, sleep at least 7 hours a night, and I never drink or smoke.”
At that, the doctor smiles and slaps his knee.
“Well that’s your problem!” he exclaims. “Let me write you a prescription for some Marlboros.”
The fish is dumbfounded. “Doctor, why?”
The doctor finishes writing the prescription rips it off his pad, and hands it to the fish.
“You need to start smoking,” he says,
“because smoking cures salmon.”
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