The Midnight Break-In
Eighty-year-old Grandma Rose lived alone in a small cottage on the edge of town. One night, she was awakened by strange noises coming from her living room.
Peeking through her bedroom door, she spotted a large burglar rummaging through her cabinets, stuffing silverware and valuables into a backpack.
Instead of screaming or calling for help, Grandma quietly reached under her bed and pulled out her late husband’s old h*nting sh0tg*n.
She took a deep breath, stepped into the hallway, aimed the sh0tg*n straight at the burglar’s back, and shouted in a surprisingly firm voice,
“Don’t move! I’ve got you covered!”
The burglar spun around in shock.
When he saw nothing but a tiny gray-haired grandmother struggling to hold up an old sh0tg*n, his fear quickly disappeared.
A smug grin spread across his face.
“Oh, come on, Grandma,” he sneered. “That antique isn’t even loaded. Go ahead… pull the trigger.”
Grandma didn’t blink.
Instead, she smiled sweetly.
“You’re absolutely right, son,” she said calmly. “The g*n hasn’t had a shell in it for years.”
The burglar laughed.
“I knew it!”
Grandma nodded toward the darkness behind him.
“But my 90-pound pit bull standing quietly two feet behind you…”
“…still has all of his teeth.”
The smile vanished from the burglar’s face.
A low, rumbling growl echoed through the room.
Without even daring to look behind him, the burglar slowly raised both hands above his head, dropped the backpack onto the floor, and whispered,
“Grandma… would you mind calling the police before your dog decides he doesn’t like me?”
The Truth Came Out… Eventually
One evening, I struck up a conversation with a beautiful woman at a bar.
Trying my luck, I smiled and asked,
“Can I buy you a drink?”
She gave me a suspicious look.
“Do you have a girlfriend? Guys like you always have a girlfriend.”
I sighed dramatically.
“Not anymore. We broke up a little over a month ago.”
Her expression softened.
“Oh… I’m sorry to hear that.”
Then she smiled.
“In that case… I’ll have a glass of white wine.”
One drink turned into two…
Two turned into several.
Before long, they were laughing, flirting, and eventually ended up back at her place.
Later, as I was getting dressed to leave, she looked at me curiously and said,
“You’re handsome, charming, and you’ve been a perfect gentleman.”
She tilted her head and asked,
“So… why on earth did your girlfriend break up with you?”
I smiled and replied,
“She didn’t.”
Then I added,
“My wife found out.”
The post The Midnight Break-In appeared first on 1millionstories.
