“That’s enough!” she said sternly.
“If I hear one more OOOHH, UUUHH, or AAAHH from any of you…”
She paused and pointed a finger down the length of the bicycle.
“…we’re putting the seats back on.”
Two nuns stand smoking outside their convent.
There’s a crack of thunder, the clouds roll in, and it starts to rain.
The younger of the nuns, Sister Agnes, pulls out a c0nd0m, bites the end off, and rolls it over her cigarette.
The older nun, Sister Rosemary, looks on, dumbfounded.
“What in the Lord’s good name is that you’ve put on your cigarette, Sister Agnes?” She says.
“Why,” says Sister Agnes, “it’s a c0nd0m.” She holds her cigarette up in the rain. “It stops your cigarette getting wet.”
“Well, that’s marvellous!” Sister Rosemary gasps. “What a fine idea.”
The next day, Sister Rosemary — suitably impressed — decides to walk down to the pharmacy in the village.
“Good morning!” She smiles to the Saturday boy behind the till. “I’d like some c0nd0ms please.”
“Oh!” the boy exclaims, looking for something to say, and visibly red. “Well… um… how… how many would you l-like?”
“Oh, I don’t mind,” says Sister Rosemary, smiling, “as long as they fit on a Camel…”
The Farmer Finally Had Enough 😂
A young European Union inspector visits a dairy farm in Normandy to ensure compliance with strict new animal welfare regulations. Walking around the barn with astern face and a thick clipboard, the inspector asks the old farmer:
“Mr. Pierre, what exactly do you feed these cows in the morning?”
Old Pierre sighs and replies: “Oh, just ordinary dry hay, young man.”
The inspector immediately writes on his pad: “A €500 fine. Ordinary hay lacks the standardized nutritional value required by the new Brussels directive.”
The next day, the inspector returns and asks: “And what do you feed them for lunch?”
Having learned his lesson, the farmer replies: “Well, I feed them premium imported organic corn combined with multivitamins.”
The inspector writes down again: “A €1,000 fine. Excessive protein levels present a high risk of livestock obesity.”
On the third day, the inspector returns, looking at the farmer suspiciously: “What are you feeding them today?”
Pierre silently pulls a crumpled stack of cash from his pocket, tosses it directly into the cows’ feeding trough, and tells the inspector coldly:
“I’m not feeding them a damn thing anymore. I just gave each cow €20 so they can walk down to the Michelin-starred restaurant at the edge of the village and order for themselves. That way, it satisfies the EU standard of free will, and I don’t have to deal with your bloody clipboards!”
