The Nuns Got VERY Nervous at Heaven’s Gate!
A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all d*e.
They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. Please form a single-file line.” And they do so.
St. Peter turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her “Sister, have you ever touched a p*nis?”
The Sister Responds “Well… there was this one time… that I kinda sorta… touched one with the tip of my pinky finger…”
St. Peter says “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.
St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says “Sister, have you ever touched a p*nis?” “Well…. There was this one time… that I held one for a moment…”
“Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.
Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!”
Sister Susan responds “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her *ss in it!”
The Balcony Lookout… and the Neighborhood Copycats
A married couple with kid gets h*rny…
on a Sunday morning and thinks about how they can have some time to “c*ddle”. So they tell their son to go stand on the balcony and look if he can see something new going on in the neighbourhood.
So their son stands on the balcony and they get going. After a few minutes he yells: “Dad, dad! The Myers got a new car!” Dad dutifully but a little out of br*ath *nsw*rs: “Fine, fine, that’s nice son. Keep looking if you see something else.”
Their son keeps looking and after a while he reports back to his dad again. “Dad, dad! The Smiths have a lawn mower robot now!” His dad, p*nt*ngly sh*uts back: “Well, that’s wonderful! Keep looking, keep looking.”
So he keeps looking and another few minutes he shouts: “Dad, dad! The Wilsons are h*ving s*x!” Dad stops totally confused and after a few seconds he asks: “How would you know?”
“Their son has been standing on the balcony looking around for 10 minutes now!
A policeman pulls over an old man driving a pickup truck with the bed overflowing with ducks.
The officer says sternly, “Sir, you can’t have a flock of ducks wandering around downtown. Take them to the zoo immediately!”
The old man nods, agrees, and drives off.
The next day, the officer spots the same pickup truck, still full of ducks—but this time, all the ducks are wearing sunglasses.
Frustrated, the officer pulls the man over again and exclaims, “I thought I told you to take these ducks to the zoo!”
The old man grins and replies, “I did! But now the little rascals want to go to the beach!”
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