The Test at the Pearly Gates
Three nuns passed away in a car accident and arrived at the Gates of Heaven. Saint Peter was waiting for them and said:
– “You have all lived holy lives, but to enter Heaven, each of you must correctly answer a classic test question.”
Saint Peter asked the first nun:
– “Who was the first man on Earth?”
The first nun replied instantly: “Dear Saint, that would be Adam.” The green light flashed, and she walked in.
Saint Peter then asked the second nun: “Who was the first woman on Earth?”
The second nun answered: “Dear Saint, that would be Eve.” The green light flashed, and she walked in.
Finally, Saint Peter turned to the Mother Superior – who was famous for being the most strict and proud nun in the convent. He smiled and asked a much harder question:
– “Here is your question: What were the very first words that Eve said to Adam when she first saw him?”
The Mother Superior furrowed her brow and thought for a very long time, but she couldn’t recall any such passage in the Bible. Confused and scratching her head, she finally blurted out:
– “Oh, that’s a hard one…”
Saint Peter slammed his hand on the table and shouted: “Exactly! The green light is on, welcome to Heaven!”
Sister Mary was driving the convent’s old car on the highway when she was pulled over by a young state trooper for speeding. The officer walked up to the window with a stern face: “Sister, do you know you were doing 90 mph in a 50 mph zone?”
Sister Mary looked at him with gentle eyes, clasped her hands, and said: “Oh my son, I am terribly sorry. I was on my way to deliver food to the lonely elderly, and I truly felt like the Lord was right beside me, protecting and pushing this car to go faster so I wouldn’t be late.”
The young cop felt a bit guilty and was about to let her go with a warning. But then he noticed a large, locked wooden box on the back seat. Curious, he asked: “What’s inside that box, Sister?”
Sister Mary smiled mysteriously: “That is a holy secret of the convent, my son. It contains something that can make any man fall to his knees in pure awe and fear.”
The officer, overcome with curiosity, insisted she open it. Sister Mary sighed, pulled out a key, and unlocked the box. The cop peered inside… and immediately turned pale. He handed her license back and said: “You can go, Sister! Drive as fast as you want! No ticket today!”
As it turned out, inside the box was a double-barreled sh*tg*n with a note that read: “Church Renovation Fund – Donate voluntarily, or meet the Lord early!”
Everything checked out fine.
The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, ”Doctor, I haven’t had sex for years now and I was wondering how I can *ncr*ase my husband’s s*x dr*ve.”
The doctor smiled and said, ”Have you tried to give him Viagra?
The lady frowned. ”Doctor, I can’t even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache,” she claimed.
”Well,” the doctor continued, ”Let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won’t notice a thing.”
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