Three Sinners, One Surprise
A monk, a nun and a priest all suddenly di-e in a fire and end up before God…
“You are all going to hell!” he announces. “As despite your dedicated lives you still had sins you did not repent for! However, for your services to me, I will allow you to choose your eternal punishment. You must select 3 different things I find most terrible that humans have experienced before. Each chosen will happen to you constantly forever.
The monk says: “To be ill with a pl@gue, to be a slave and to live in darkness.” He then teleports to hell.
The nun says: “To be n@iled to crosses, to walk for years in boiling hot land and drown in a flood.” She then teleports to hell.
And the priest says: “To always have beer, we-ed and h0-0kers.”
An elderly man lay on his d3athbed, surrounded by his wife, three kids, and a nurse.
With a deep breath, he began speaking:
“Bill, you get the Beverly Hills houses.
Mary, the offices in the Center are yours.
Debra, the apartments over the L.A. Plaza are all yours.
And my dear wife, you take all the residential buildings near downtown.”
The nurse, wide-eyed, said, “Wow, your husband must’ve been an incredible man to amass so much property to leave behind.”
The wife sighed and replied, “What property? The guy had a paper route!”
A wealthy old man was lying on his d.eathbed when it occurred to him that he had never made a will.
So, he called his lawyer to help him draft one.
The next day, the lawyer arrived, and the old man said, “I want 25% of my money to go to charity. After all, I’ve taken so much; I should give something back.”
“How generous of you,” the lawyer replied. “I’ll make sure that happens right away.”
“I also want 25% to go to my son. He’s been waiting for the day he could get his hands on my money,” the old man added.
“Okay, I’ll ensure he gets 25%,” the lawyer responded.
“And the rest should go to my wife, on the condition that she remarries after I die,” the old man said.
A bit puzzled, the lawyer asked, “Okay, I’ll make sure that happens. But may I ask why you want her to remarry? It’s a rather unusual request.”
The old man grinned and said, “I want to make sure at least one man regrets my d3ath.”
An elderly couple was having trouble remembering things, so they went to the doctor.
The doctor said, “You should start writing things down to help you remember.”
Later that night, the wife said, “Honey, I’d like some ice cream. Could you get me some from the kitchen?”
The husband said, “Of course.”
The wife added, “Write it down so you don’t forget!”
The husband replied, “I don’t need to write it down! You want ice cream.”
She said, “I also want strawberries on top. Write it down!”
The husband rolled his eyes. “I won’t forget!”
She added, “And whipped cream! Please write it down!”
He sighed. “I got it! Ice cream, strawberries, whipped cream. No need to write it down.”
Twenty minutes later, he came back and handed her a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon.
The wife stared at the plate and yelled, “I told you to write it down! Where’s my toast?!”
LOL!!
Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!!
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