The Grandma Who Refused to Be Outdated
Three women, two younger, and one senior citizen were sitting in a sauna only covered by a towel.
Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The young woman pressed her forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at her questioningly. ‘That was my pager,’ she said. ‘I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.’
A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second young woman lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished, she explained, ‘That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand.’
The older woman felt very low-tech. Not to be outdone, she decided she had to do something just as impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom.
She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her rear end.The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her. The older woman finally said… ‘Well, will you look at that…
I’m getting a fax!!!’
A blonde got caught in a blizzard…
A blonde got caught in a blizzard… It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work.
She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home.
She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally rememberer her dad’s advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in the snow drift.
This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it. As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as they continued and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions.
After quite some time had passed she was somewhat surprised when the snow plow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window.
The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right as she had been following him for a long time.
She said that she was fine and told him of her dad’s advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard.
The driver replied that it was okay with him and she could continue following if she wanted but he was done with the Walmart parking lot and was going over to the K-mart next.
A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish.
By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, “Sir, I’m afraid there has been a mistake. You see, that police officer who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the same dish. The problem is, this is the last chicken in the house. I’m afraid I’ll have to take this dish to him and arrange for another dish for you!”
The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his food.
The waiter walks over to the other table and explains the situation to the officer.
A few minutes later the officer walks over to the man’s table and says, “Listen and listen good. That is MY chicken you are about to eat and I’ll warn you, whatever you do to that chicken I’ll do the same to you. You pull out one of its legs, I’ll pull out one of yours. You break one of its wings, I’ll break one of your arms!”
The man calmly looks at the! chicken, then s*cks his m*ddle f*nger in the bird’s r*ct*m, p*lls it out and l*cks it. He then gets up, dr*ps his p*nts, bends over and says, “Your turn!!
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