In Heaven, Results Matter More Than Titles
A minister d*es and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a man who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?” The man replies, “I’m Joey Shasta, retired airline pilot.”
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, “Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.”
The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.
Next it’s the minister’s turn. He stands erect and booms out, “I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary’s for the last 43 years.” Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, “Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.”
“Just a minute,” says the minister. “That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?”
“Up here, we work by results,” says Saint Peter. “While you preached, people slept; while he flew, people prayed.”
A very sick woman on her sick bed
A very sick woman on her sick bed said to her husband:
“Honey, if I die, how long would it take you before you marry another wife…?!”
The man replied: “Till your grave becomes dry, my love.”
Then she said: “Are you promising me this…?”
Husband replied: “Of course, darling… I promise you.”
And after her demise, her husband began to visit her grave every day for a period of one year.
And the grave was always wet, it never became dry…!!!
And a day came when he visited the graveyard in the evening, and he found her brother in the graveyard.
He then asked him: “Jason, what are you doing here…?”
He replied: “I’m fulfilling the wish of my only sister. She said I should please come here every day to water her grave.”
Two young boys wandered into a pharmacy
One afternoon, two young boys wandered into a pharmacy. They roamed the aisles for a bit before confidently grabbing a box of tampons and making their way to the checkout.
The pharmacist, curious and a little amused, looked at the older boy and asked,
“How old are you, son?”
“Eight,” the boy answered proudly.
The pharmacist smiled and leaned in.
“Do you know what these are used for?” he asked.
The boy shrugged and said,
“Not exactly. They’re not for me—they’re for my little brother. He’s four.”
Trying to hold back a chuckle, the pharmacist said,
“Oh really? And why would your brother need these?”
The boy replied, perfectly serious,
“We saw on TV that if you use these, you can swim, play tennis, and ride a bike. My brother can’t do any of those things yet.”
“Blondes Are Not Stupid” Convention
The leader says, “We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?”
A blonde carefully works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks her, “What is 15 plus 15?” After 15 or 20 seconds she says,
“Eighteen!” Obviously, everyone is a little disappointed.
Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!”
The leader says, “Well since we’ve gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the worldwide press and global broadcast media here, uh, I guess we can give her another chance.”So he asks,
“What is 5 plus 5?” After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, “Ninety?” The leader is quite perplexed, looks down,
and just lets out a dejected sigh. Everyone is disheartened – the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting,
“GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!”
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