Do your sins, come back, and I’ll bless you
There were three nuns, they all told the priest that they were going to do one sin each.
So the priest says ok, do your sins, come back, and I’ll bless you.
So, they went to do their sins and came back to get blessed.
The priest asked the first one who was laughing what her sin was. She said, “I h@d s*x with a guy.”
The priest said ok, blessed her and said go drink some holy water.
So she did! The next one was laughing harder, and the priest asked her what her sin was.
She said, “I got in a fight with another nun.” So he says ok, blessed her and told her to go drink some holy water. So she did.
The priest asked the last one who was laughing even harder what she did.
And as she was laughing she said, “I pissed in the holy water!”
He Won’t Let Me Go Home!
Many years ago I had stopped in to bring my girlfriend some pizza while she was babysitting.
We received a call that her grandmother had been taken to the hospital, so I agreed to watch the children, so she could meet her family at the hospital.
Well, the parents were at a movie and these were the days before cell phones, so I couldn’t get in touch with them. I thought I was doing pretty well, though. At bedtime I sent the kids upstairs to bed and settled down to watch some TV.
One child kept creeping down the stairs, but I just kept sending him back to bed.
At 9 pm the doorbell rang, it was the next-door neighbor, asking whether her son was there.
I said, “No.”
Just then a little head appeared over the banister and shouted, “I’m here, Mom, but he won’t let me go home!”
The bride kissed her father gently and placed something small in his hand.
Everyone in the room watched with curiosity, whispering and wondering what the bride had given her father.
The father, feeling the weight of their suspense, smiled mischievously. All eyes turned to him, waiting for him to explain.
Clearing his throat, he proudly announced, *“Ladies and Gentlemen, today is the luckiest day of my life!”*
He then raised his hand high, revealing what his daughter had returned to him.
*“My daughter has finally given me back my cr*dit card!”*
The entire room erupted into laughter.
Well… almost the entire room.
One man sat in stunned silence—**the groom!**
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