The Lesson He Missed
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?”
The priest removed his hand.
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?”
The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.”
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said,
“Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
3 men are sentenced to d*ath.
All of them are scheduled to be executed on the same day.
The first man walks in the room and is told he has a choice, h*nging or the electric chair.
The man thinks for a bit and then decides that the chair is probably less p*inful and quicker, so the guards strap him down in the chair.
The man says his final words, ready to d*e and the chair is turned on and… nothing happens. There’s just a few sparks coming out of the fuse box but the man is still alive.
Seeing that this is a sign of God the man is pardoned from all his cr*mes and released from prison.
On his way out he walks past the second man and quickly whispers to him “Hey! The electric chair is broken!“
The second man enters the execution chamber and is given the same choice, h*nging or the chair. He obviously choses the chair and, just as it happened before, the chair doesn’t work again.
Being a sign from God again the second man gets a pardon as well and is released from prison.
On his way out the he sees the third man and whispers to him “Hey! The chair is broken!“
The third man enters the execution chamber and is given the same choice as the other, h*nging or the chair.
The man is asked what he choses and after a quick look at the chair he says: “ Well, h*nging of course since that f*ck*ng chair is br*ken!“
A man was hunting when a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over & d*sch*rged, sh**ting him in the g*n*tals.
Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.
“Well, sir, I have some good news & some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK.
The damage was local to your gr*in, there was very little internal d*m*ge, & we were able to remove all of the b*cksh*t.”
“What’s the bad news?” asked the hunter. “The bad news is that there was some pr*tty extensive b*cksh*t d*m*ge done to your P*n*s which left quite a few holes in it. I’m going to have to refer you to my sister.”
“Well, I guess that isn’t too bad,” the hunter replied.
“Is your sister a plastic surgeon?”
“Not exactly answered the doctor………
“She’s a flute player in the Boston Symphony Orchestra.
She’s going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don’t p*ss in your eye
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