A priest decides one mid weekday to visit one of his elderly parishioners, Mrs. Smith.
He rings the door bell and Mrs. Smith appears.
“Good Day Mrs. Smith. I just thought I would drop by and see how your are doing.”
The woman says, “Oh just fine Father, come on in and we`ll have some tea.”
While sitting a the coffee table, the priest notices a bowl of almonds on the table. “Mind if I have one?”, the priest says.
“Not at all, have as many as you like”.
After a few hours the priest looks at his watch and alarmed at how long he has been visting says to Mrs Smith, “Oh my goodness, look at the time. I must be going. Oh dear, I`ve eaten all your almonds. I`ll have to replace them next time I visit.”
To which Mrs Smith replied, “Oh don`t bother, Father. Ever since I lost all my teeth, it`s all I can do just to lick the chocolate off them.”
The Priest Was Calm… Until THIS 😳
A middle-aged man, notorious for being a smooth-talking slicker in town, makes a hefty bet with his buddies that he can make the old priest in the confessional booth completely lose his cool. He steps inside, kneels behind the partition, and whispers:
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- “Forgive me, Father, for I have s*nned. Last night, I snuck over the wall into the nunnery next door and… sl*pt with the Mother Superior!”
The priest stays quiet for a long moment, lets out a sigh, and says:
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- “We are all tempted by the devil at times, son. Recognizing your sins is good. Say fifty Hail Marys, and your sins are forgiven.”
Seeing the priest completely unfazed, the guy decides to crank it up to win the bet:
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- “That’s not all, Father… After I left the Mother Superior’s room, I went right ahead and snuck into Sister Mary’s and Sister Jane’s rooms to do the exact same thing!”
The air goes dead silent. A moment later, the wooden partition slams wide open. The old priest sticks his head through, face bright red and grinding his teeth:
- “You punk! Step outside and wait for me right now! So that’s why I was standing behind the bushes for two straight hours last night and none of those girls showed up—because they were busy hosting you in their rooms?! If I don’t throw the book at you today, I’m quitting the priesthood!”
A priest is driving on the highway when he’s pulled over for speeding.
A priest was driving down a country highway one sunny afternoon when a police officer pulled him over for speeding.
The officer walked up to the window and immediately noticed something unusual. There was a strong smell of alcohol coming from inside the car. As he glanced around, he also spotted an empty wine bottle lying on the passenger-side floor.
Trying to remain polite, the officer leaned in and asked,
“Father, have you been drinking today?”
The priest smiled calmly and shook his head.
“Not at all, officer. I’ve only been drinking water.”
