“you are just a sad man, the Lord probably doesn’t love you because you are a drunk” said the nun
“One beer, I was just going in for ONE beer, also what do you know, maybe drinking is not that bad after all” replied the man
“getting drunk is a sin, drinking little alcohol always leads to more drinking” said the nun
“maybe you should try it before you make such claims, I’ll buy you a drink, my treat” said the man
“I don’t know… maybe one glass wouldn’t hurt, but I have one request; bring it in a mug so people won’t talk, I do not want to attract attention” said the nun
The man walked into the bar, bought a whiskey and asked the Bartender to put it in a mug
“let me guess, it’s that d@mn nun again, isn’t it? “ said the Bartender
Sister Mary was driving the convent’s old car on the highway when she was pulled over by a young state trooper for speeding. The officer walked up to the window with a stern face: “Sister, do you know you were doing 90 mph in a 50 mph zone?”
Sister Mary looked at him with gentle eyes, clasped her hands, and said: “Oh my son, I am terribly sorry. I was on my way to deliver food to the lonely elderly, and I truly felt like the Lord was right beside me, protecting and pushing this car to go faster so I wouldn’t be late.”
The young cop felt a bit guilty and was about to let her go with a warning. But then he noticed a large, locked wooden box on the back seat. Curious, he asked: “What’s inside that box, Sister?”
Sister Mary smiled mysteriously: “That is a holy secret of the convent, my son. It contains something that can make any man fall to his knees in pure awe and fear.”
The officer, overcome with curiosity, insisted she open it. Sister Mary sighed, pulled out a key, and unlocked the box. The cop peered inside… and immediately turned pale. He handed her license back and said: “You can go, Sister! Drive as fast as you want! No ticket today!”
As it turned out, inside the box was a double-barreled sh*tg*n with a note that read: “Church Renovation Fund – Donate voluntarily, or meet the Lord early!”
A bus full of nuns was driving down a mountain road when the brakes suddenly failed. The bus hurtled down the hill at a terrifying speed. The driver shouted in despair:
“Everyone, the brakes are gone! We are going to crash over the cliff, please pray!”
All the nuns on the bus panicked, crying and praying out loud. Just then, an old nun sitting in the front row jumped up, rushed to the driver’s side, grabbed the emergency brake, and turned the steering wheel, safely crashing the bus into a thick bush.
