A married couple is on vacation in Europe and decides to tour an ancient, isolated monastery deep in the mountains. As they are walking through the grounds, they notice that the monks look incredibly healthy, vibrant, and energetic.
Curious, the husband approaches the Head Monk. “Excuse me, Father. What is the secret to the incredible health and energy of everyone here?”
The Head Monk smiles warmly and whispers, “We eat a special, ancient blend of wild honey, raw garlic, and local herbs every single day. It completely revitalizes the body and massively boosts our natural drive.”
The husband is highly intrigued and asks, “Wow! Can you buy this anywhere?”
The monk nods. “Yes, we sell small jars of it in the gift shop for 50 euros.”
The husband runs back to his wife, completely excited, and tells her what the monk said. The wife listens intently, looks her husband dead in the eye, and says, “Go back and buy three jars. And please, learn how to eat it without your hands.”
During his job interview, the interview asks him: “Are you allergic to anything?”
to which the man replies, “Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.”
“Okay, have you ever been in the military before?”
“Yes,” he says, “I was in Iraq for one tour.”
The interviewer replies, “That will give you five extra points towards employment.”
After this he asks, “Are you disabled in any way?”
The applicant says, “Yes, a bomb exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles.”
After hearing this, the interviewer grimaces and then says, “Okay. You have enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are 8am to 4pm. You can start tomorrow at 10am, and plan on starting at 10am every day.”
The man is puzzled and asks, “If the work hours are from 8am to 4pm, why don’t you want me here until 10am?”
“This is a government job,” the interviewer says.
“For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.”
They toss him the keys, he hits the gas doing 90+ off the lot, jumps on the interstate doin 130 in a flash.
Suddenly a state trooper pulls him over and walks up to the window. Trooper is also soon to retire and talks with the driver.
After hearing the drivers story he says, I feel ya! It’s almost the end of my shift and I really don’t want to write you up.”
The trooper folded his arms.
“Alright, give me one good reason why you were doing 130.”
The old man thought for a second and said:
“A few years ago my wife ran off with a state trooper.”
The officer raised an eyebrow.
