She Completely Missed the Point!
A lady gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
She rushes upstairs to find her husband n@ked on the b*d, sweating and panting.
“What’s up?” she asks.
“I’m having a he@rt att@ck,” cries the husband.
The lady rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she’s dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says,
“Mommy! Mommy! Aunty Susan is hiding in your closet, and she’s got no clothes on!”
The lady slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the b*droom, right past her husband, and rips open the closet door.
Sure enough, there is her sister, totally n@ked and c0wering on the closet floor.
“You rotten bit*h she screams, “My husband’s having a he@art att@ck, and you’re running around n@ked, scaring the F**kin* kids
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Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll.
One had a Doberman and the other had a Chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, the guy with Doberman said to his friend, “Let’s go over to that bar and get something to drink.”
The guy with the Chihuahua said, “We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us.”
The one with the Doberman said, “Just follow my lead.”
They walked over to the bar and the guy with the Doberman puts on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.
The bouncer at the door said, “Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed.”
The man with the Doberman said, “You don’t understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog.”
The bouncer said, “A Doberman pinscher?”
The man said, “Yes, they’re using them now. They’re very good.”
The bouncer said, “Come on in.”
The buddy with the Chihuahua figured what the heck, so he put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in. He knew his would be more unbelievable.
Once again the bouncer said, “Sorry, pal, no pets allowed.” The man with the Chihuahua said, “You don’t understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog.”
The bouncer said, “A Chihuahua?”
The man with the Chihuahua said, “A Chihuahua? They gave me a fu*king Chihuahua?”
A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland.
She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked:
“Excuse me Father, could I ask a favor?”
“Of course my child, What can I do for you?”
“Here is the problem, I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remover gadget for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have
really gone over the declaration limits and I am worried that they will confiscate it at customs. Do you think you could hide it under
your cassock?”
“Of course I could, my child, but you must realize that I can not lie.”
“You have such an honest face Father, I am sure they will not ask you any questions”, and she gave him the ‘hair remover’.
The aircraft arrived at its destination. When the priest presented himself to customs he was asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?”
“From the top of my head to my sash, I have nothing to declare, my son”,he replied.
Finding this reply strange, the customs officer asked, “And from the sash down, what do you have?”
The priest replied, “I have there a marvelous little instrument designed for use by women, but which has never been used.”
Breaking out in laughter, the customs officer said, “Go ahead Father. Next!”
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