A crowded United Airlines flight was cancelled.
A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travellers.
Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk front.
He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, “I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS.”
The agent replied, “I am sorry, sir. I’ll be happy to try to help you, but I’ve got to help these folks first, and I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out.”
The passenger was unimpressed.
He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?”
Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: “May I have your attention, please,” she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.
“We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14.”
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore “F*** you!”
Without flinching, she smiled and said, “I’m sorry, sir, but you’ll have to get in line for that, too.”
Knowing his time was almost up, a notoriously cynical millionaire summoned his attorney to his bedside to hastily draft his very first last will and testament.
“I want twenty-five percent of my cash to go to charity,” the old man rasped. “I’ve taken a lot from this world; it’s time to give a little back.”
“Exceedingly noble, sir,” the lawyer noted, scribbling furiously.
“Another twenty-five percent goes to my son. The lazy leech has been waiting for my heart to stop for years anyway.”
“Understood. And the remaining fifty percent?” the lawyer asked.
“That goes entirely to my wife,” the millionaire smirked, “but on one strict condition: she must remarry immediately after my funeral.”
The lawyer paused, thoroughly baffled by the bizarre clause. “I can certainly write that in, sir… but if you don’t mind me asking, why on earth do you care if she remarries?”
The dying man flashed a wicked, triumphant grin and whispered:
“Because I want to ensure that at least one man genuinely regrets my death.”
