A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them.
“Hey, show us y-er t*ts, ya b0-0dy penguins!” shouts one of the drunks.
Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, “I don’t think they know who we are; show them your cross.”
Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, “Piss off, ya fo-okin’ little w@nkers, before I come over there and rip y-er b@lls off!”
Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, “Did that sound cross enough?
Three men met on a nude beach. Two of them were relaxed and having a wonderful time, but the third man sat on his towel looking absolutely miserable.
Striking up a conversation, they eventually started talking about their lives and why they chose to visit a clothing-optional beach.
“I’m a construction worker,” the first man said, stretching out his arms. “All day long, I toil under the scorching sun while wearing heavy, dusty protective gear. It is incredibly exhausting. Coming here is the only way I can truly relax and feel completely free.”
“I’m an accountant,” the second man chimed in with a satisfied nod. “I spend my life dealing with strict rules and endless columns. I love this place because there is no status or hierarchy here—everyone is dressed exactly the same.”
The first two men then turned to the depressed-looking third man. “What about you, pal? What brings you to a nude beach?”
The sad man sighed deeply, stared down at his lap, and muttered,
“My doctor sent me here. He told me I have a severe case of low self-esteem and instructed me to go somewhere where I could see people who have absolutely nothing to hide. But looking around at you guys, I’m realizing I just don’t have much to show.”
A man was out for a walk with his new girlfriend when they passed a farm and saw two dogs m@ting.
She asked, “How does the male know when the female is ready for s*x?”
He replied, “He can smell that she’s ready. That’s how nature works.”
A little farther down the road, they passed a field where a ram was m@ting w*th a ewe.
Again, his girlfriend asked, “How does the ram know when the ewe is ready for s*x?”
He answered, “It’s nature. He can smell that she’s ready.”
They continued walking and soon passed another pasture where a bull was m@ting w*th a cow.
His girlfriend said, “This is strange. They’re really going at it. Surely the bull can’t smell when she’s ready?”
“Oh yes,” he replied. “It’s nature. All male animals can smell when the female is ready.”
After their walk, he dropped her off at home and kissed her goodbye.
As she got out of the car, she smiled and said,
