Johnny Wasn’t Quite Finished
Little Johnny was visiting a friend of his in New York during the winter. He and his friend went outside to play in the snow.
After about an hour, his friend’s mother called them back inside and had them remove their goloshes and gloves.
Johnny’s friend’s mom was a tall voluptuous, woman who would warm her son’s hands by putting them between her thighs.
So as usual, when her son came in from playing in the snow, she asked if his hands were cold, to which he replied “yes”.
She then put them together and stuck them between her warm thighs.
After a few minutes, she asked “are they warm yet?” and the little boy said “yes”.
Johnny watched his friend and waited for his turn. His friend’s mom then asked him if his hands were cold, to which he replied, “yes”.
So she took his hands, put them together and stuck them between her thighs.
After a few minutes, she asked if his hands were “warm yet” and he said “yes”.
So she took them out.
Johnny continued to stand there with a sly grin on his face.
When the mom asked
“well, what is it now, Johnny? What’s wrong? Johnny looked up at her and replied:
“My ears are cold too!”
A blonde came running up to her husband
A blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway as he came home from work just jumping for joy.
He didn’t know why she was jumping for joy but thought, what the heck, and started jumping up and down with her.
She said, “Honey, I have some really great news for you!”
He said, “Great, tell me what you’re so happy about!”
She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told him that she was pregnant!
He kissed her and told her, “That’s great! I couldn’t be happier!”
Then, she said, “Oh, honey, there’s more!”
He asked, “What do you mean, ‘more?’”
She said, “Well, we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!”
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked her how she knew.
She said, “Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and bought the TWIN PACK home pregnancy test kit and BOTH tests came out positive!!”
The Butcher Thought He Had the Last Laugh
It has been many years since the embarrassing day when the Mrs Sarah, with a baby in her arms, entered a butcher shop. She confronted the butcher with the news that the baby was his and asked what he was going to do about it. After a long discussion, he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was sixteen. Sarah agreed. He has been counting the years off on his calendar.
One day, the boy who had been collecting free meat each week, came into the shop and said, “I’ll be sixteen tomorrow.” “I know,” said the butcher with a smile. “I have been counting too. When you take this parcel of meat home, tell your mother that it is the last free meat she’s getting and watch the expression on her face.”
When the boy arrived home, he told his mother what the butcher had said. She just smiled and replied, “Son, go back to the butcher and tell him that I have also had free bread, free milk and free groceries for the last sixteen years, and watch the expression on HIS face.”
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