The British Solution
A British man, a French man, and a Spanish man were caught stealing while traveling abroad.
They were dragged before a stern judge, who sentenced each of them to 100 lashes.
Wanting to appear merciful to the international press, the judge made an announcement:
“Because I am feeling generous today, I will reduce the punishment to 20 lashes. Furthermore, each of you may make two requests before the sentence is carried out.”
The Spanish man stepped forward first.
After thinking for a moment, he said, “I would like a bottle of tequila… and a pillow strapped to my back.”
The judge agreed.
The Spaniard drank the tequila, smiled bravely, and had the pillow tied behind him.
The whipping began.
CRACK!
CRACK!
CRACK!
After only a few lashes, the pillow burst open and feathers flew everywhere. The remaining lashes landed directly on his back.
By the end, he was sobbing and covered in bruises.
Next came the Frenchman.
Being a little more strategic, he requested two pillows.
The crowd murmured in approval.
The first pillow survived five lashes.
The second survived another five.
Unfortunately, the final ten lashes landed squarely on his back.
When it was over, he too was carried away crying and badly wounded.
Now it was the British man’s turn.
The judge looked at him.
“Well? What are your two requests?”
The Brit stood tall and cleared his throat.
“My first request is that my punishment be restored to the original sentence.”
The judge blinked.
“You want… 100 lashes?”
“That’s correct.”
The courtroom gasped.
The judge stared at him.
“Are you insane? Why would anyone ask for a harsher punishment?”
The Brit smiled.
“Because, Your Honor…”
He paused dramatically and pointed toward the injured Frenchman.
“My second request is to have him strapped to my back.”
The Most Dangerous Bathroom Battle of All Time
A man burst into a public restroom, desperately needing to relieve himself. As he stood at the urinal, he noticed the guy next to him was peeing in two completely separate streams.
Curiosity got the better of him. “Hey man, sorry to look, but how does that happen?”
The guy sighed. “Got shot in the groin back in Vietnam. The doctors did what they could, but I ended up with two holes.”
A moment later, the man glanced down the line and saw another guy peeing in three perfect streams. “Let me guess,” the man called out, “shrapnel?”
“Yep, Iraq,” the second guy nodded. “I just count myself lucky it still works.”
Suddenly, the man turned around and spotted a third guy. This man’s pee was spraying in a hundred different directions—hitting the wall, soaking the floor, and flying all over the place like a broken lawn sprinkler.
In absolute awe, the man asked, “Good grief, man! What kind of brutal war were you in?!”
The third guy groaned miserably, “No war, man… my damn zipper is stuck!”
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