The Flight’s Unwanted Surprise
A man is sitting in a plane which is about to takeoff, when another man with a dog occupies the empty seats alongside. The dog is sat in the middle, and the first man is looking quizzically at the dog when the second man explains that they work for the airline.
The airline rep said “Don’t mind Rover, he is a sniffer dog, the best there is, I’ll show you once we get airborne and I set him to work.”
The plane takes off and levels out when the handler says to the first man, “Watch this.” He tells the dog, “Rover, search.” The dog jumps down, walks along the aisle and sits next to a woman for a few seconds. It then returns to its seat and puts one paw on the handler’s arm. He says “Good boy.” He turns to the first man and says, “That woman is in p*ss*ssion of m*rij*ana, so I’m making a note of this, and the seat number, for the police who will apprehend her upon arrival.” “Fantastic!” replies the first man.
Once again he sends the dog to search the aisles. The dog sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns to its seat and places both paws on the handler’s arm. The airline rep says, “That man is carrying c*c*ine, so again, I’m making a note of this, and the seat number.” “I like it!” says the first man.
Once again he sends the dog to search the aisles. Rover goes up and down the plane aisle, and after a while sits down next to someone, and then comes racing back and j*mps up onto the seat and craps all over the place. The first man is surprised and d*sg*sted by this, and asks “What the heck is going on?” The handler nervously replies “He just found a b*mb!”
A 65-year-old friend of mine just had a baby
A 65-year-old friend of mine just had a baby—thanks to modern fertility miracles! I went to visit her as soon as she got home from the hospital.
“Can I see the baby?” I asked.
“Not yet,” she said. “Let’s have some coffee first.”
Half an hour passed. I asked again.
“Not yet.”
A few more minutes went by.
“Okay… can I see the baby now?”
“Not yet.”
Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. “WHEN can I see the baby?!”
She threw up her hands and said:
“WHEN HE CRIES! I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM!”
One hot summer day, a lady came to town with her dog,
One hot summer day, a lady came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink.
Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, “Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?”
The lady said it was hers.
“Your dog seems to be in h*at”, the officer said.
The lady replied, “No way. She’s cool ‘cause she’s tied up under that shade tree!”
The policeman said, “No! You don’t understand. Your dog needs to be br*d.”
“No way”, said the lady. “My dog doesn’t need bread. She isn’t hungry ’cause I fed her this morning.”
The exasperated policeman said, “NO!
You don’t understand. Your dog wants to h*v* s*x!”
(You gotta love this)
The lady looked at the cop and said,
“Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog.”
A woman didn’t come home one night.
The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend’s house.
The man called his wife’s 10 best friends.
None of them knew anything about it.
A man didn’t come home 1 night.
The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friends house.
The wife called her husband’s 10 best friends.
8 of them confirmed that he had slept over and 2 said he was still there
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