A country preacher decided that the weather was just too beautiful to spend Sunday morning inside a church. He called his assistant, claimed he was feeling very ill, and drove deep into the wilderness for a solo hiking trip.
As he rounded a sharp bend in the mountain trail, he suddenly came face-to-face with a massive, ferocious grizzly bear. The bear roared, charged at him, and sent the preacher tumbling down a steep hill. The preacher broke both of his legs in the fall and lay there, completely helpless, as the giant bear slowly ambled down the hill toward him, licking its chops.
The preacher, realizing his grave mistake, looked up to the heavens and prayed frantically: “Lord, I am so sorry for skipping church to go hiking! Please forgive my sins, and please, I beg of you, turn this ferocious bear into a Christian!“
Instantly, the clouds parted. A bright beam of holy light shone down from the sky, and the wind fell perfectly still.
The bear suddenly stopped dead in its tracks. It looked confused for a moment, then dropped down to its knees, closed its eyes, clasped its front paws together, and bowed its head.
The preacher sighed with immense relief, muttering, “Hallelujah! A true miracle! The bear is saved!”
Then, the bear opened its eyes, looked up at the sky, and said in a deep, reverent voice:
“Bless us, O Lord, and these Thy gifts, which we are about to receive from Thy bounty… Amen.”
“Timmy, you’re late again!” Miss Russell scolded as he slipped into the classroom.
“Sorry, Miss,” Timmy said with a grin. “But this time, it’s my dad’s fault!”
Miss Russell sighed. “And what excuse do you have this time?”
“Well, we’ve got a fox sneaking into our chicken coop and eating our hens.”
Miss Russell nodded. “And what does that have to do with you being late?”
“Everything!” Timmy said.
“Last night, Dad heard a noise outside. He grabbed his shotgun and ran straight to the chicken coop… without bothering to put any clothes on!”
Miss Russell raised an eyebrow.
Timmy continued, trying desperately not to laugh.
“Dad crouched down, aimed through the coop window, and waited for the fox.”
“So?” Miss Russell asked.
“Well, our hound dog, Rip, quietly came up behind him.”
Timmy paused, already struggling to keep a straight face.
“Then Rip stuck his freezing-cold nose right where Dad definitely didn’t want it!”
Miss Russell covered her mouth.
“And what happened next?”
Timmy burst out laughing.
“Dad jumped so hard he scared the fox away!”
He wiped a tear from his eye and added:
“Miss Russell… we’ve been plucking chickens since 3:00 this morning!”
The Mother Superior Had No Idea Why Everyone Was Smiling…
The Mother Superior of a monastery in Bavaria wakes up one morning in an exceptionally good mood and decides to visit the nuns’ rooms.
She opens the first door:
“Good morning, Sister Maria. You look wonderful today, and your embroidery is truly beautiful!”
The nun smiles:
“Thank you, Mother Superior. You also look very well… but it seems as if you got out of bed on the wrong side today.”
The Mother Superior frowned in irritation, but continued walking.
The same thing happens with the next nun.
And the next one too.
After fifteen rooms, she is completely annoyed.
Through gritted teeth, she finally asks Sister Klara:
“Please tell me honestly: Do you really think I got out of bed on the wrong side today?”
“Yes, Mother Superior.”
“And why do you believe that?”
The nun replies very calmly:
“Because you are wearing Father Franz’s sandals.”
