Grandpa Had Everyone Fooled
My 85-year-old grandfather was rushed to the hospital after taking a nasty fall, and the doctors were worried he might have a c*nc*ssion.
A doctor came into the room and began asking him a few routine questions.
“Sir, do you know where you are?”
My grandfather answered immediately:
“Rex Hospital.”
The doctor nodded.
“Good. And do you know what city you’re in?”
“Raleigh,” Grandpa replied confidently.
The doctor smiled, impressed so far.
“Excellent. And do you know who I am?”
Without hesitation, Grandpa answered:
“Dr. Hamilton.”
The doctor looked pleased and stepped out of the room for a moment.
As soon as he left, my grandfather leaned toward the nurse and whispered:
“I sure hope he doesn’t ask me any more questions.”
The nurse smiled and asked,
“Why not?”
Grandpa sighed and said:
“Because every one of those answers was written on his badge.”
A Little Old Lady Went To The Bank of Canada Carrying A Bag Of Money.
A little old lady went to the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money.
She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because “It’s a lot of money!”
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president’s office.
The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit.
She replied, “$165,000” and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.
The president was, of course, curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her,
“Ma’am, I’m surprised you’re carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?”
The old lady replied, “I make bets.”
The president then asked, “Bets? What kind of bets?”
The old woman said, “Well, for example, I’ll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square.”
“Ha!” laughed the president, “That’s a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!”
The old lady challenged, “So, would you like to take my bet?”
“Sure,” said the president, “I’ll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!”
The little old lady then said, “Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 A.M. as a witness?”
“Sure!” replied the confident president.
That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again.
He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.
The next morning, at precisely 10:00 A.M., the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president’s office.
She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet” “$25,000 says the president’s balls are square!”
The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see.
The president complied.
The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them.
“Well, okay,” said the president, “$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure.”
Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall.
The president asked the old lady, “What the hell’s the matter with your lawyer?”
She replied, “Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 A.M. today, I’d have the
Bank of Canada’s president’s balls in my hand.”
The Drivers Really Should’ve Listened
Two nuns were standing by the side of a busy road holding a large handmade sign.
It read:
“The path you are taking is wrong. Turn back now before it’s too late!”
Most drivers passing by looked confused.
Some laughed. Some ignored them completely.
Then one man rolled down his window and shouted,
“Mind your own business, you crazy old nuns!”
He raised his middle finger and sped off angrily around the curve.
A few seconds later, the nuns heard a horrifying sound:
SCREEEECH… CRASHHHH!!!
The two women stood there silently for a moment.
Then one nun slowly turned to the other and said,
“Do you think maybe we should just write ‘Bridge Out Ahead’ instead?”
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