Old man goes to church
One Sunday morning an old cowboy entered a church just before services were to begin. Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean,
he wore jeans, a denim shirt and boots that were very worn and ragged. In his hand he carried a worn out old hat and an equally worn out Bible.r>
The church he entered was in a very upscale and exclusive part of thecity. It was the largest and most beautiful church the old cowboy had ever seen. The people of the congregation were all dressed withexpensive clothes and accessories.
As the cowboy took a seat, the others moved away from him. No one greeted, spoke to, or welcomed him. They were all appalled at his
appearance and did not attempt to hide it.
As the old cowboy was leaving the church, the preacher approached him and asked the cowboy to do him a favor. “Before you come back in here
again, have a talk with God and ask him what he thinks would be appropriate attire for worship.” The old cowboy assured the preacher he would.
The next Sunday, he showed back up for the services wearing the same ragged jeans, shirt, boots, and hat. Once again he was completely shunned and ignored. The preacher approached the man and said, “I thought I asked you to speak to God before you came back to our church.”
“I did,” replied the old cowboy.
“If you spoke to God, what did he tell you the proper attire should be for worshiping in here?” asked the preacher.
“Well, sir, God told me that He didn’t have a clue what I should wear. He said He’d never been in this church “
Why the Man with the Golden Lamborghini Was Crying His Eyes Out
Three men stood outside the Gates of Heaven, waiting for their entry into paradise. The gatekeeper angel announced the rules of transit: “Your transportation across the grand bridge into Heaven depends entirely on how faithful you were to your spouse back on Earth.”
The first man stepped up. “I was married for five years and cheated three times.” The angel sighed and handed him the keys to a rusty, beat-up pickup truck.
The second man stepped up. “I was married for eleven years and only strayed once.” The angel nodded approvingly and granted him a sleek, brand-new Mercedes.
The third man stepped up proudly. “I was married for twenty years and never once looked at another woman. We loved each other unconditionally.” Highly impressed, the angel bestowed upon him a flawless, limited-edition golden Lamborghini.
The third man zoomed off, leaving the others in his dust. However, a few hours later, the first two men pulled up to a heavenly roadside diner and found the Lamborghini owner sitting alone at a table, sobbing uncontrollably.
The man in the Mercedes walked over to comfort him. “Hey buddy, what’s wrong? You’re in paradise, you were a perfect husband, and you’re driving a golden supercar! Why on earth are you crying?”
The man looked up with tear-stained cheeks and choked out:
“Because thirty minutes ago, I passed my wife… and she was riding a skateboard!”
The Unbeatable Dealership Bonus Two Elderly Ladies Refused to Miss
A small-town police officer was making his usual late-night rounds when he noticed two elderly women sitting quietly inside a sedan in the middle of a closed used car lot.
Puzzled, he walked over, tapped on the driver-side window, and asked, “Excuse me, ladies, but what are you doing inside this vehicle at this hour?”
One of the women rolled down the window and smiled sweetly. “Oh, officer, we actually bought this car earlier today!”
The patrolman frowned, looking around the pitch-black, empty lot. “Well, if it’s your car, why don’t you just drive it home?”
“Oh, neither of us knows how to drive,” the second lady chimed in cheerfully.
Now completely bewildered, the officer stared at them. “Let me get this straight… you don’t know how to drive, but you bought a vehicle anyway? Why on earth would you do that?”
The first old lady blushed slightly, leaned closer, and whispered, “Well, everyone in town told us that if we bought a car from this specific lot, we’d absolutely get screwed… so we’re just sitting here waiting!”
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