I wanted to get to know the new priest at my church.
My priest and I agreed to go fishing. We sat there talking and waiting for a bite until, finally, the priest snagged a large fish. As I helped him pull it out of the water I said,”This is a big son of a b*tch.”
The priest stopped, “Son, why such salty language?”
Wanting to save face I quickly replied, “No, Father, that’s the name of that fish. It’s a Sonofab*tch fish.”
The priest was relieved and we began walking back to the rectory and a nun met us at the door.
The priest greeted her and said, “Check out the Sonofab*tch I just caught.”
The nun, shocked, exclaimed, “Father, never in my life-“
The priest interrupted her and said, “No, Sister, that’s the name. It’s a Sonofab*tch fish.
The nun was relieved and took the fish to be gutted. After gutting the fish, she brought it out back where the Deacon was heating up the grill. The nun said, “Deacon, here, I gutted this Sonofab*tch for you.”
The Deacon, shaking his head, said, “Sister, that language is unbecoming.”
The nun replied, “No Deacon, that’s the name. It’s a Sonofab*tch fish.”
The Deacon shrugged it off and said, “Alright, I’ll put it on the grill. The Bishop is coming over for dinner and he loves seafood.”
When the Bishop arrived we all sat down at the table. The priest brings out the cooked fish and says, “I caught this Sonofab*tch myself.”
“And I gutted this Sonofab*tch.”
“And I grilled this Sonofab*tch.”
The Bishop looked around. He took his hat off, leaned in and said,
“Now you m0therf*ckers are my kind of people.”
Update: Thanks for the gold, fam.
A blonde is on vacation and runs out of money…
A blonde is on vacation and runs out of money. She wants to write an e-mail to her mother so that her mother can send her some. She goes to an internet café and goes up to the guy at the desk.
She says: “I’m sorry, but I’m broke and I really need to contact my mother. Is there any way I could do that for free? I don’t even have enough to pay the fee here.”
The guy at the front desk asks her in his creepiest voice: “Do you *really* need to contact your mother?”
“Yes” she answers. “I really need to contact my mother.”
“And you would do *anything*?”
“Yes I would do anything to contact my mother.”
“Really anything?”
Exasperated, the blonde answers: “Yes, yes, yes, I would do anything.”
“Well, then.” the guy says “Why don’t you just follow me to the back room.”
So she does. The guy p*lls d0wn his p@nts. The blonde is a bit irritated at first, but thinks that what must be must be. He pulls down his und*rp*nts.
“Well,” He says “Do it!”
So the blond gets down on her knees in front of him. She licks her lips. She bends forward and whispers: “Hello, mom? Can you hear me?”
– “You have all lived holy lives, but to enter Heaven, each of you must correctly answer a classic test question.”
– “Who was the first man on Earth?”
– “Here is your question: What were the very first words that Eve said to Adam when she first saw him?”
– “Oh, that’s a hard one…”
The post I wanted to get to know the new priest at my church. appeared first on 1millionstories.
